After putting it off for the first seven months of the year, I finally finished revising my novel. Now, to send it out. Again.
Oh, boy.
Time to face rejection again, or at least its possibility. I know I write decently, but it's not a book of great moment or even a charming cozy. It's a silly vampire story I started before the market began drowning in vampire stories. It's not a mystery or a paranormal romance. No sparkling, brooding hunks, no sophisticated femme fatales.
How can I possibly sell this?
I've wanted to be an author since at least fifth grade. Before then, even, but that was when I was first asked in class and the words came to my lips. To give myself credit, I said 'science fiction writer', not 'the next Faulkner' (yecch). Vampire astronomer probably isn't that far off the mark.
The anxiety is horrible to endure, though, as is the pain of rejection. I shouldn't be surprised at how long it took me to revise, considering what I have to face. My baby is funny-looking and has fangs. Maybe only a mother can love it.
But, like a parent, I must send it into the world. This is the proper endpoint of parenthood.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Lessons I learned from Gwen's launch party
 |
| Gwen and I at the book launch! |
Monday night, Gwen and I threw the launch party for Circle of Dishonor. It was wildly successful, especially in comparison to Parnell Hall's lament (detailed in an earlier post). We had well over fifty people drop by the ultra-hip bistro Natasha's to celebrate with us and, in most cases, purchase a copy of the book.
We made back the money we invested in the first shipment of books, which will of course go immediately towards purchasing another shipment for Gwen's next signing. I also learned some important things to pass along to folks who haven't had the pleasure of launching a novel yet:
- Bring plenty of pens. The author needs at least two good pens, and the person writing the receipts needs one, too (you will be writing receipts to show when you get audited, right?). You will also need spares to set out for check writers who have nothing to write with. None of our pens walked away, but it's best to be prepared.
- Bring change, and lots of it. Unless your book is really expensive or a hardback, people will give you a Yuppie Food Stamp (aka a $20 bill) and you will need to make change... again and again.
- Try to avoid the night before school starts. Some of your customers will need to attend parent meetings instead of your event. No, my parents never did this either, but things have changed.
- The unexpected is not always a bad thing. Natasha's had scheduled a pianist for the same time slot as our book launch. I was worried that this meant no one would be able to hear Gwen or each other, but the music proved a pleasant background for our munching and socializing guests. Gwen spoke to the pianist before things got rolling and he 'took five' while she greeted everyone and read an excerpt from the book. Later, our gathering was referred to as 'classy' by one guest.
- You will be mistaken for staff. You're sitting at a table in a central area, you have inventory, and a cash box. Of course you work there. Be nice to these people; they don't know you're a soon-to-be-famous author. Plus, the site host doesn't want you wrecking their usual business. Just fetch the waitress.
- You will need to go out for food or have something to warm up at home, because you will be too busy to eat any of the spread you've set out for your guests. Gwen got two cubes of cheese, I got a sprig of grapes. That was it.
- The caterer will add a gratuity charge to his/her quoted price. This is for the aggravation value of pouring drinks, refilling the platters, etc.
- The key to the lockbox will drop to the most inaccessible spot in your purse or pocket, just when you need it. Tiny, isn't it?
- Your bank is more alert than you think. The day after the party, Gwen got a call from her bank requesting that she verify a large charge to Natasha's made on Monday night. Yes, she owned up to it.
We had a great time; I hope you do, too.
Sunday, August 01, 2010
Acting on the Intent to Sell
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| Jeffrey Marks and Carolyn Melvin |
Gwen Mayo and I drove up to Columbus this past weekend to see Jeffrey Marks' presentation based on his third edition of Intent to Sell. The presentation and subsequent book signing were hosted by the Columbus chapter of Sisters in Crime.
Many authors dream of the day when a publisher will accept their novel for publication. Once that Big Day comes, though, their work is not over. Instead, they find themselves taking on a new job: promoter. J.B. Fletcher may have had publicists and handlers, but in the real world authors are their own first advocates.
Jeff touched on several aspects of promotion, including the necessity for the author to have a web site, and began enumerating its contents. Naturally, I thought of the site I've been working on for Gwen.
- Good photo on the site? Check.
- Pic of book cover? Check.
- Three versions of what the book is about? Er... three? Where do I fit them?
- Two versions of the bio, one short, one long. What about one that's in between? Hmm. I might have to get back to him on that.
Obviously, Gwen and I still have some work to do.
As one of our exercises, Jeff asked us to sit down and write a bio for ourselves, choosing which length we wanted to try. I have a few short snappy ones, so I decided to try for a longer one for myself. It certainly wasn't as impressive as Marks': books published, awards awarded, etc. Humble as it is, however, I present it here:
Sarah E. Glenn wanted to grow up to be Kolchak. As an adult, she got a B.S. in Journalism, which is redundant if you think about it. She specializes in weird stories of all sorts. They’ve appeared in G.W. Thomas’ Ghostbreakers series, Mystery in Mind, an anthology from the Rhine Institute, and two will soon appear in Daily Flash 2011, a flash fiction anthology from Pill Hill Press.
Sarah is also a member of Sisters in Crime and belongs to the Ohio River Valley chapter. Her story “Party to a Fall” appears in the chapter’s Low Down and Derby anthology, and she’s also had stories published in Futures Mysterious Anthology Magazine. "Patch Test", a medical mystery, was a finalist in Crossed Genres' 2010 "Science in my Fiction" competition.
Sarah E. Glenn’s novel, All This and Family, Too, has very little to do with the above except for Kolchak, because it has vampires in it. Please don’t cringe.If only I had the book contract to go with the bio... At least I'm getting a head start on the publicity.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
There's rejection, and then there's Rejection!
I am happy to report that I've never gotten as harsh a rejection letter as the ones in this book. The young woman featured early in the video doesn't understand that rejections to writers are best done via letter, because slush pile readers get stalked sometimes (check out pages 2 and 3 of this article). Let's be honest, some writers are whack jobs. More of us would be if it weren't for the invention of psychotropic medications.
My wife specializes in receiving 'nice' rejection letters - you know, the ones that tell you what a wonderful writer you are, but your story doesn't fit for whatever reason. She didn't know whether to be flattered or frustrated as hell. Fortunately, she recently received the most important acceptance of all and her first novel is on sale.
When I get rejected, I get form letters. When I don't get form letters from an editor, it's because they take issue with something in my story. Yes, I know that I should take these to heart and correct my mistakes. I do correct those mistakes, but there isn't enough Lexapro in the world to salve the pain of a writer who takes rejection to heart. No wonder writers are famous for drinking.
Have you ever gotten an exceptionally vile rejection letter?
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Writer's Version of Don't Ask-Don't Tell, Part II
I got real comments from my last blog on this subject, which went to my head. Actual readers! I had a suggestion from my spouse shortly thereafter, and I overheard another frequently asked question today, while she was discussing her new book. They've been burning a hole in my writing pocket since:
Perhaps I should talk about annoying questions writers get from other writers next. Unfortunately, I'm probably the asker.
Another question that came up in the comments from the first article: You're a writer? Where have you been published? Naturally, not all writers are published authors. This doesn't mean they're not writers, it just means they don't have published works yet.
I don't have a snappy answer for this one. Do you know why? Because I rarely told people outside the writing community of my ambitions until I was published. I received too many negative comments about wanting to be a writer while I was growing up. As an adult, I didn't spring that little secret on non-writers without something to show for it. By the time I 'came out' as an author at work, I'd edited two Pagan newsletters, received some local recognition as a political blogger, and had several published stories.
I salute the unpublished writers who are willing to 'go public' and deal with this last question. You're braver than I am. Might I suggest that you simply tell them that you're still revising your novel?
- Why don't you write about (subject that has nothing to do with your projects)? You'd be really good at it. (I could do a horror story about dry socket, too, but I have no inclination to do that, either.)
- Why don't you do ___ with your character? (This generates one of two responses: a) because that's idiotic, or b) great idea, but now I can't do it because you'd demand to 'split the profits'. Ain't happening.)
- You based this character on me, didn't you? (Trust me, if I did, you wouldn't have to ask. I've written roman à clef before. I give 'tells'. Like a character who thinks everything is about her.)
- You based this character on (other friend or relative), didn't you? (See above. However, if it makes you happy to think I've zinged Uncle Fred, go ahead.)
- Why do you bother writing? You're never going to make any money at it. (Neither does watching TV, drinking, or smoking. In other words, f--k off.)
- Haven't you finished that book yet? (DAMN YOU TO HELL!)
Perhaps I should talk about annoying questions writers get from other writers next. Unfortunately, I'm probably the asker.
Another question that came up in the comments from the first article: You're a writer? Where have you been published? Naturally, not all writers are published authors. This doesn't mean they're not writers, it just means they don't have published works yet.
I don't have a snappy answer for this one. Do you know why? Because I rarely told people outside the writing community of my ambitions until I was published. I received too many negative comments about wanting to be a writer while I was growing up. As an adult, I didn't spring that little secret on non-writers without something to show for it. By the time I 'came out' as an author at work, I'd edited two Pagan newsletters, received some local recognition as a political blogger, and had several published stories.
I salute the unpublished writers who are willing to 'go public' and deal with this last question. You're braver than I am. Might I suggest that you simply tell them that you're still revising your novel?
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
I Write Like WHO?
UPDATE: The analysis results
give you a come-on for a vanity publisher. The analysis itself is pretty fun, though!
To quote Jon Stewart: "I s--t you not."
I've never even seen the movie Fight Club, much less read anything of Palahniuk's. One of the people at Coding Robots described the analysis process as follows: "It's the statistics of words, sentences, etc."
My stories include lesbian vampires, hospice workers doubling as occult detectives, and malicious misuse of nanotechology. None of them are peppered with S & M or people beating each other up for fun. Most of the time, in fact, my main characters would be leading quiet, productive lives (or unlives) if people would just stop messing with them.
I asked Coding Robots if Palahniuk used a lot of sarcasm. The response: "If only iwl could detect sarcasm :) ".
Addendum: I Write Like has added several new authors to their repertoire in the last few days. I still write like Chuck Palahniuk.
give you a come-on for a vanity publisher. The analysis itself is pretty fun, though!
To quote Jon Stewart: "I s--t you not."
I've never even seen the movie Fight Club, much less read anything of Palahniuk's. One of the people at Coding Robots described the analysis process as follows: "It's the statistics of words, sentences, etc."
My stories include lesbian vampires, hospice workers doubling as occult detectives, and malicious misuse of nanotechology. None of them are peppered with S & M or people beating each other up for fun. Most of the time, in fact, my main characters would be leading quiet, productive lives (or unlives) if people would just stop messing with them.
I asked Coding Robots if Palahniuk used a lot of sarcasm. The response: "If only iwl could detect sarcasm :) ".
Addendum: I Write Like has added several new authors to their repertoire in the last few days. I still write like Chuck Palahniuk.
The Writer's Version of Don't Ask-Don't Tell
Inkygirl has put her pencil nib on a few of the annoying things writers (especially non-famous ones) deal with when their non-writing friends learn that they are writers.
Here are ones I've heard, with less-than-polite truthful answers:
- I have this great idea for a book. (Unless you are another writer, 99% chance it's not. If you are a writer, 85% chance it's not. Please limit your pitch to query-letter length.)
- Why don't you make my great idea into a book, and we can split the profits? (Why don't YOU write it, since it's your story? If you expect ME to write it, that split will be 1% to you for inspiration and 99% to me for perspiration, as per Thomas Edison.)
- I had this dream last night. I'm sure it would make a great book. (Gaaahhh! Please, please don't tell it to me!)
- Let me tell you about it in great detail. (Nooooo! Please stop! Why didn't I schedule that root canal for today? I'm sure there's a dentist somewhere that works on Saturday.)
- Where do you get your ideas? (Good ideas come from the Muses. Not sure where the f--- mine come from, but people aren't buying them. Oh, wait, I have these dreams... let me tell YOU about my latest one in great detail.)
- Writing is easy. You just get an idea and write it down. (Yeah, which is why it took three years to write my first novel and why my psychiatrist is trying 60mg of Lexapro on me for my 'existential angst').
- I'd like to write a novel. If only I had the time like you do. (Based on your blow-by-blow description of "Jersey Couture", I'd say that you DO have the time. There are authors who've finished books while working two jobs, raising children, etc. It's not time, it's the trouble that stops you. Come to think of it, that's why it took me three years to write my first novel.)
- Once you sell that novel, you'll be able to sit back and let the royalties roll in. (You really don't know anything about the publishing industry or the current book market, do you? Thanks for your confidence, though.)
Monday, July 12, 2010
Old Spice
Recently, The Poison Review (an excellent resource site) reported: "Fox News discovers nutmeg abuse".
Teenagers have figured out that large amounts of nutmeg can make you high. This is not a new discovery; the knowledge has been around for a while. Something that the TV spot didn't mention is the indigestion that goes along with consuming substantial amounts of caustic spices.
Back in a previous model of yours truly, around Sarah 3.0 (I'm on at least 6.0 now), I worked at the reports desk of my local police department. We processed mostly crime reports, but every once in a while we would get a report on someone who had harmed themselves in a weird way. Nutmeg featured prominently in one of them.
Circa 1990, two young men decided to reach a legal high via eggnog decoration. They visited their pusher of choice, the local Kroger's, where they purchased one box of nutmeg and two half-gallons of milk. These fellows tried, tried to plan ahead - honest! When they got back to their place in UK's student ghetto, they divided the Banda Island gold between the two containers of milk. They covered and shook the contents vigorously, then chugged them down.
The report didn't specify whether they got high or not. It did specify, however, that they began puking uncontrollably. This was waaaayy past too much baklava. The two guys visited the local ER, where the staff immediately became suspicious. They'd begun throwing up only two hours ago...? They didn't know why they were sick, but they thought they needed medical help...? That set the BS alarms off, and the staff wormed the story out of the young men.
A report was filed with the police, but, really, these young men had broken no laws outside of digestive ones. They had already been punished, though, for their culinary creativity.
Teenagers have figured out that large amounts of nutmeg can make you high. This is not a new discovery; the knowledge has been around for a while. Something that the TV spot didn't mention is the indigestion that goes along with consuming substantial amounts of caustic spices.
Back in a previous model of yours truly, around Sarah 3.0 (I'm on at least 6.0 now), I worked at the reports desk of my local police department. We processed mostly crime reports, but every once in a while we would get a report on someone who had harmed themselves in a weird way. Nutmeg featured prominently in one of them.
Circa 1990, two young men decided to reach a legal high via eggnog decoration. They visited their pusher of choice, the local Kroger's, where they purchased one box of nutmeg and two half-gallons of milk. These fellows tried, tried to plan ahead - honest! When they got back to their place in UK's student ghetto, they divided the Banda Island gold between the two containers of milk. They covered and shook the contents vigorously, then chugged them down.
The report didn't specify whether they got high or not. It did specify, however, that they began puking uncontrollably. This was waaaayy past too much baklava. The two guys visited the local ER, where the staff immediately became suspicious. They'd begun throwing up only two hours ago...? They didn't know why they were sick, but they thought they needed medical help...? That set the BS alarms off, and the staff wormed the story out of the young men.
A report was filed with the police, but, really, these young men had broken no laws outside of digestive ones. They had already been punished, though, for their culinary creativity.
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Signing in the Waldenbooks by Parnell Hall
I got clued into this video by John Clawitter's blog on 1st Turning Point. Parnell Hall is best known for his Puzzle Lady mysteries, but I'm fonder of Stanley Hastings. There's a lot of Parnell's own personality (and background) in Stanley, especially in the book Juror (click here for a sample read).
Part of why I'm thinking about Parnell's song is because my wife's book, Circle of Dishonor, is about to come out in print. She's setting up launch parties, and I'm working on her web site (please note there's no link for this yet). We're also hoping to line up some signing gigs... but I hope we have better luck than Parnell.
I sure hope Gwen is too busy to see this, come to think of it.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Good news! My short story, "Co-Pay", will be appearing in Daily Flash 2011, an upcoming anthology from Pill Hill Press. Gwen Mayo also has a story appearing in the collection.
I hope you will all take a look, because they will be publishing Gwen's first novel later this summer!
The anthology is still open for submissions, so why don't you join us?
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
It's not the same on paper
The Last Psychiatrist graced us with The Copenhagen Interpretation of Lost recently. If you don't know who TLP is, he/she is a blogger who psychoanalyzes popular culture and, occasionally, the people who make the news.
If, like me, you didn't know what the Copenhagen interpretation was, I will greatly oversimplify it for you: every item out there has a set number of places it could be right now. If you actually measure the item, the possibilities of its location are immediately shrunk by the act of measuring.
Um... okay. So perception creates reality?
The Last Psychiatrist applies this notion to Lost, which has parallel universes. Confession: I've never seen Lost, but my previous experience with the Chronicles of Amber has made me familiar with parallel universes.
Comparing it to middle age was very cold, but also very accurate. The older you get, the more choices you make. The more choices you make, the narrower your options are in the future. That's not entirely bad, by the way. You can cut down on a lot of bad outcomes through good planning and self-care.
Middle age, though, really seems to be when people start noticing the limitations on their future. Turning thirty is all about taking that 'last chance' with your youthful dreams. Turning fifty is more like getting a Triptik from AAA (showing my age with that reference, too!) showing where your future trouble spots are on the Highway of Life: You're really fat and have been for a while. Better watch that blood sugar... Your parents had cataracts. Squinting a lot lately? Your work history is clerical, and your degree is in journalism. You're probably not going to get a job in top administration anywhere, ever, especially since ageism is rampant and you're part of the wrong profile.
Oh, and you will die. You're just trying to control when, how, and what your circumstances will be.
I find the notion interesting, though, and think that writing fiction is an equally good example of the Copenhagen interpretation. When the story is still in your head, it is lovely and numinous - or evil and dastardly, for horror and mystery writers. Once you begin writing things down, though, concretizing those details necessary to creating a story, it comes thudding to earth. You have to name characters. You have to figure out how someone could introduce poison into a hormone patch. If you set the story in a fake town, you have to make up realistic-sounding details. If you set your story in a real town, you have to look up details. And, of course, all this is mere backdrop for the most important question of all: would Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine pay me to publish this?
One point in the writer's favor: Life always ends with death, but acceptance at AHMM still falls in the realm of possibility, no matter how remote that possibility is for some people (I won't name names). Maybe that's why I began seriously writing during the middle of a severe depression. If I felt like dying, what harm could a mere rejection slip inflict? (FYI, I now know the answer to this question.)
Another advantage: unlike life, 'past events' are malleable in a story... until it is published. You can change things around till you 'win'! Once it's in print, of course, it's set. If it's a standalone, no problem. Series character? The facts of the current story will limit certain things for future stories, but hey - it's still published. You're loved, and you win!
The drawback? It's going to be flawed. You brought it to earth, and now it's mortal. Every time you create or recreate the backstory, it limits what is feasible for the characters accordingly. The story will never be as lovely as it felt in your head, because defining it is the sun that burns off the morning mist. And people wonder why writers kill themselves...
We begin our own existence with numinous pictures of what our life will be like. In childhood, all things are possible, even becoming a superhero or a robot. This becomes tempered by the time we reach adolescence. Becoming a rock star or a model is possible, but we have some notion of what's 'unrealistic'. Many years later, we remember these younger times fondly - not necessarily because we had a good childhood or an enjoyable adolescence, but because we remember how wide open to greatness we felt.
Can we recapture that optimism somehow? Or does it only exist in ignorance and inaction? Because those are the only ways to 'beat' the Copenhagen Interpretation, whether in writing or life.
If, like me, you didn't know what the Copenhagen interpretation was, I will greatly oversimplify it for you: every item out there has a set number of places it could be right now. If you actually measure the item, the possibilities of its location are immediately shrunk by the act of measuring.
Um... okay. So perception creates reality?
The Last Psychiatrist applies this notion to Lost, which has parallel universes. Confession: I've never seen Lost, but my previous experience with the Chronicles of Amber has made me familiar with parallel universes.
In this case, all possibilities exist before you (to varying probabilities), but once a selection has been made, all other choices are obliterated. Reality becomes a series of successive obliterations of potential realities. Just like middle age!
...
The point, for Lost, is that by having Desmond, Charlie, Jack, et al become aware of this other universe (e.g. Desmond's flash of Charlie drowning in the car) they are not jumping to the other universe, but in fact obliterating the one they are in, in favor of the other (Copenhagen interpretation.) This makes Locke/Smoke Monster's desire to leave the island, and the feared consequences ("everything will cease to be") more accurate. Locke isn't just changing universes, he is causing that one to obliterate.
Comparing it to middle age was very cold, but also very accurate. The older you get, the more choices you make. The more choices you make, the narrower your options are in the future. That's not entirely bad, by the way. You can cut down on a lot of bad outcomes through good planning and self-care.
Middle age, though, really seems to be when people start noticing the limitations on their future. Turning thirty is all about taking that 'last chance' with your youthful dreams. Turning fifty is more like getting a Triptik from AAA (showing my age with that reference, too!) showing where your future trouble spots are on the Highway of Life: You're really fat and have been for a while. Better watch that blood sugar... Your parents had cataracts. Squinting a lot lately? Your work history is clerical, and your degree is in journalism. You're probably not going to get a job in top administration anywhere, ever, especially since ageism is rampant and you're part of the wrong profile.
Oh, and you will die. You're just trying to control when, how, and what your circumstances will be.
I find the notion interesting, though, and think that writing fiction is an equally good example of the Copenhagen interpretation. When the story is still in your head, it is lovely and numinous - or evil and dastardly, for horror and mystery writers. Once you begin writing things down, though, concretizing those details necessary to creating a story, it comes thudding to earth. You have to name characters. You have to figure out how someone could introduce poison into a hormone patch. If you set the story in a fake town, you have to make up realistic-sounding details. If you set your story in a real town, you have to look up details. And, of course, all this is mere backdrop for the most important question of all: would Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine pay me to publish this?
One point in the writer's favor: Life always ends with death, but acceptance at AHMM still falls in the realm of possibility, no matter how remote that possibility is for some people (I won't name names). Maybe that's why I began seriously writing during the middle of a severe depression. If I felt like dying, what harm could a mere rejection slip inflict? (FYI, I now know the answer to this question.)
Another advantage: unlike life, 'past events' are malleable in a story... until it is published. You can change things around till you 'win'! Once it's in print, of course, it's set. If it's a standalone, no problem. Series character? The facts of the current story will limit certain things for future stories, but hey - it's still published. You're loved, and you win!
The drawback? It's going to be flawed. You brought it to earth, and now it's mortal. Every time you create or recreate the backstory, it limits what is feasible for the characters accordingly. The story will never be as lovely as it felt in your head, because defining it is the sun that burns off the morning mist. And people wonder why writers kill themselves...
We begin our own existence with numinous pictures of what our life will be like. In childhood, all things are possible, even becoming a superhero or a robot. This becomes tempered by the time we reach adolescence. Becoming a rock star or a model is possible, but we have some notion of what's 'unrealistic'. Many years later, we remember these younger times fondly - not necessarily because we had a good childhood or an enjoyable adolescence, but because we remember how wide open to greatness we felt.
Can we recapture that optimism somehow? Or does it only exist in ignorance and inaction? Because those are the only ways to 'beat' the Copenhagen Interpretation, whether in writing or life.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Sisters in Crime Loves the Pineville, KY library!
During 2010, Sisters in Crime is conducting a "We Love Libraries" lottery. U.S. libraries nominated at the SinC website become eligible to win a check for $1000. This may not mean much in large cities, but for smaller libraries it's pretty nice.
The Ohio River Valley chapter is celebrating this year, because March's winner was the Pineville-Bell County Public Library in Pineville, Kentucky! Our chapter has received the check and is making arrangements for presentation. The ceremony will probably take place in May. There's a good chance I'll be out of the state when it happens, so I hope someone takes pictures.
The Ohio River Valley chapter is celebrating this year, because March's winner was the Pineville-Bell County Public Library in Pineville, Kentucky! Our chapter has received the check and is making arrangements for presentation. The ceremony will probably take place in May. There's a good chance I'll be out of the state when it happens, so I hope someone takes pictures.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Advice for the Civically Handicapped
Sometimes it seems like U.S. citizens either don't know or have conveniently forgotten information that is common knowledge for everyone else. Since today is Tax Day, I thought I'd bring up one that seems obvious but apparently bears repeating:
You have to file a tax return.
You may have heard somewhere or read somewhere that tax collection is voluntary, but snopes.com and the IRS disagree. That second one is especially important, because they can throw your ass in jail whether you think you're supposed to pay taxes or not.
If you're not into Snopes, try USA Today. The tenth myth they listed? That paying taxes is voluntary. It's not. 'Voluntary' refers to us citizens sending the IRS our information, rather than the government having to tot up all our transactions and making its best guess on our deductions.
Okay, now you're saying that the government has the mainstream media issuing the party line. You'll get no arguments from me about that. This doesn't mean, though, that the IRS has no power to stuff you into the can for a few years. Even Wesley Snipes had to do time, and he's a well-liked celebrity who had prominent people pleading his case, plus some proof that his financial advisers had deceived him.
The income tax was first established during the Civil War to support war costs. It was dropped in 1872, but in 1913 the 16th Amendment gave Congress the legal authority to tax income. And the government doesn't balk at exercising that authority. When even Elliot Ness couldn't get Al Capone into prison, the IRS did.
Plus, give it a moment's thought. Do you really think that there's a secret group of wealthy cognoscenti that don't pay taxes because they have this special knowledge? You heard of it, didn't you? Do you think that they hire highly skilled lawyers who can beat the IRS at its own game? No, the wealthy cognoscenti are using offshore accounts to hide assets or buying their own congressmen to put loopholes in the tax law.
So... YES, you must file a tax return. You may not need to pay anything, but you should file. Just saying.
You have to file a tax return.
You may have heard somewhere or read somewhere that tax collection is voluntary, but snopes.com and the IRS disagree. That second one is especially important, because they can throw your ass in jail whether you think you're supposed to pay taxes or not.
If you're not into Snopes, try USA Today. The tenth myth they listed? That paying taxes is voluntary. It's not. 'Voluntary' refers to us citizens sending the IRS our information, rather than the government having to tot up all our transactions and making its best guess on our deductions.
Okay, now you're saying that the government has the mainstream media issuing the party line. You'll get no arguments from me about that. This doesn't mean, though, that the IRS has no power to stuff you into the can for a few years. Even Wesley Snipes had to do time, and he's a well-liked celebrity who had prominent people pleading his case, plus some proof that his financial advisers had deceived him.
The income tax was first established during the Civil War to support war costs. It was dropped in 1872, but in 1913 the 16th Amendment gave Congress the legal authority to tax income. And the government doesn't balk at exercising that authority. When even Elliot Ness couldn't get Al Capone into prison, the IRS did.
Plus, give it a moment's thought. Do you really think that there's a secret group of wealthy cognoscenti that don't pay taxes because they have this special knowledge? You heard of it, didn't you? Do you think that they hire highly skilled lawyers who can beat the IRS at its own game? No, the wealthy cognoscenti are using offshore accounts to hide assets or buying their own congressmen to put loopholes in the tax law.
So... YES, you must file a tax return. You may not need to pay anything, but you should file. Just saying.
Sunday, April 04, 2010
Victory is mine!
As of last night, I am the winner of the office pool. Duke beat West Virginia, and everyone in the pool has advanced as far as they could. I won the prize over much wiser heads, and I know it... heh, heh.
I was sorry, though, to hear about Da'Sean Butler being so seriously injured. I hope it is not a career-ending injury, but anything involving torn ligaments is pretty ominous. He seems like a really nice guy. I hope he graduates and finds a good career if he can't progress along his original path.
I was sorry, though, to hear about Da'Sean Butler being so seriously injured. I hope it is not a career-ending injury, but anything involving torn ligaments is pretty ominous. He seems like a really nice guy. I hope he graduates and finds a good career if he can't progress along his original path.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Rooting for... Duke?
Sadly, UK was defeated over the weekend. Both of the teams I chose for that championship game are out of the running, so I have advanced as far as I can in bracket points.
Would you believe,though... that I am leading the ENT pool at the moment? This next weekend will probably determine who wins the bracket competition. It's between me and Dr. Jones. He's got West Virginia playing in the championship game (I had UK). This weekend, Duke plays WV. If WV wins, Dr. Jones wins. If Duke wins, I win. Guess what? I'm rooting for Duke.
I find this very ironic. One of the other doctors had a statistician do his brackets. Dr. Jones is a huge basketball fan and knows the teams really well. _I_ just like to play because it's a fun thing to do with other UK people. I mostly chose my teams based on their rankings. My Final Four were the top seeds of their regions. My brackets busted when everyone else's did. Yet, somehow, I managed to choose the right combination of lesser teams to keep me in the running.
So, I'll be waiting to see how Duke does (actually watching the game would probably jinx them). It'd be so funny to accidentally win again.
Would you believe,though... that I am leading the ENT pool at the moment? This next weekend will probably determine who wins the bracket competition. It's between me and Dr. Jones. He's got West Virginia playing in the championship game (I had UK). This weekend, Duke plays WV. If WV wins, Dr. Jones wins. If Duke wins, I win. Guess what? I'm rooting for Duke.
I find this very ironic. One of the other doctors had a statistician do his brackets. Dr. Jones is a huge basketball fan and knows the teams really well. _I_ just like to play because it's a fun thing to do with other UK people. I mostly chose my teams based on their rankings. My Final Four were the top seeds of their regions. My brackets busted when everyone else's did. Yet, somehow, I managed to choose the right combination of lesser teams to keep me in the running.
So, I'll be waiting to see how Duke does (actually watching the game would probably jinx them). It'd be so funny to accidentally win again.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
It's that time again...
This is one year I'm not certain I should run this pic, despite the giggle it gives me.
I don't watch many sports that don't directly involve a relative. One exception: ice skating at the Olympics. Not just any ice skating... it has to be at the Olympics.
The other exception: March Madness. From the pic, I think you can guess my state of residence. I began doing the bracket thing to be a 'joiner' at work, but got hooked when I accidentally won because, like everyone else, I'd put UK going all the way... but unlike everyone else, I had Syracuse go with them. UK didn't go all the way, but Syracuse did. I chose Syracuse because one of my wife's bosses went there... not because I knew much about them. I won, though, and I liked that part (especially the $$$). I've had no such luck since.
After this past weekend, though, I jumped from tenth place to third in my wife's office pool. I've been trying to figure out why, since I lost Kansas and Villanova when everyone else did. Everyone kept Ohio State in like I did (I went there for 3 years, so that was a sentimental choice, not skill). So, why?
Because I kept Duke. Most of her office had Rick Pitino beating Duke with Louisville, and I didn't. Just because they're rivals doesn't mean I underestimate them. I have them going to the Final Four, too.
They just better not beat Kentucky.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Watching What Other People Eat
One of the people on the Leaving 190-ville team (SparkPeople) likes the quote at the bottom of my messages: "The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching what other people eat." I don't remember where I stole that from, but it's certainly true!
Once you're under 200 pounds, you start to approach the 'normal' range of weight (or, in many guys' cases, the 'fit' range). You can buy clothes in 'regular' stores. You may be able to give up the seat belt extender in airplanes. Your endurance increases. Your feet hurt less. Blood pressure drops. Diabetes becomes easier to control.
Then, you start trying to eat like 'normal' people too, and the days of salads and sugar-free tea go out the window. You're still trying to reach a lower weight, or are trying to eat a 'maintenance' diet, but everyone else is enjoying themselves!
You and your friends go out for pizza, and you know you better not have more than 2 pieces, preferably cheese or veggie. Your friends are going to eat at least half a pizza each. You have Sunday dinner with the family, and Mom brings out the bread and butter. While you indulge in one piece with a 'naughty' amount of low-fat oleo, everyone else is slathering the butter on and demolishing the loaf. When you visit IHOP, you mentally calculate how many calories you'll have in your other meals for the day before you order (suggestion: make this brunch and only have ONE other meal that day). At the tables around you, people are having all-you-can-eat pancakes, bacon, eggs, and hash browns. The kids' soccer team goes to DQ for a post-game treat. They order Blizzards while you have a vanilla cone or a small sundae.
And, of course, all of these foods are being washed down with gallons of sweet, delicious, evil pop. You're still trying to convince your liver that water isn't bad for it (at least I am).
Often, I can just look at these people's butts to remember that I am not the one eating the wrong amount of food. One time at IHOP, my spouse speculated that a man at a nearby table would be lucky to see his son reach adulthood. My skinnier co-workers may indulge in pizza or donuts occasionally, but I know what Spartan lives they normally lead. It sure doesn't feel that way when we're eating treats together, though! You feel like the odd person out, the one who can't do what normal people do.
I'm not surprised some dieters become food Nazis with their families and friends. It's got to drive them nuts, seeing everyone else having all the fun. Eating 'regular' foods with your family (or going to 'regular' restaurants) is also more challenging than having a fridge that ONLY contains skim milk, spinach, and skinless breast of chicken. It'd be so much easier if everyone else ate the same things you did.
I'm still trying to find that balance without going medieval on everyone else. Often, I just take smaller portions or cut out one of the sides. I split entrees with my wife or order the Happy Meal at McDonald's. It may appear abnormal, but, trust me, it's not.
Once you're under 200 pounds, you start to approach the 'normal' range of weight (or, in many guys' cases, the 'fit' range). You can buy clothes in 'regular' stores. You may be able to give up the seat belt extender in airplanes. Your endurance increases. Your feet hurt less. Blood pressure drops. Diabetes becomes easier to control.
Then, you start trying to eat like 'normal' people too, and the days of salads and sugar-free tea go out the window. You're still trying to reach a lower weight, or are trying to eat a 'maintenance' diet, but everyone else is enjoying themselves!
You and your friends go out for pizza, and you know you better not have more than 2 pieces, preferably cheese or veggie. Your friends are going to eat at least half a pizza each. You have Sunday dinner with the family, and Mom brings out the bread and butter. While you indulge in one piece with a 'naughty' amount of low-fat oleo, everyone else is slathering the butter on and demolishing the loaf. When you visit IHOP, you mentally calculate how many calories you'll have in your other meals for the day before you order (suggestion: make this brunch and only have ONE other meal that day). At the tables around you, people are having all-you-can-eat pancakes, bacon, eggs, and hash browns. The kids' soccer team goes to DQ for a post-game treat. They order Blizzards while you have a vanilla cone or a small sundae.
And, of course, all of these foods are being washed down with gallons of sweet, delicious, evil pop. You're still trying to convince your liver that water isn't bad for it (at least I am).
Often, I can just look at these people's butts to remember that I am not the one eating the wrong amount of food. One time at IHOP, my spouse speculated that a man at a nearby table would be lucky to see his son reach adulthood. My skinnier co-workers may indulge in pizza or donuts occasionally, but I know what Spartan lives they normally lead. It sure doesn't feel that way when we're eating treats together, though! You feel like the odd person out, the one who can't do what normal people do.
I'm not surprised some dieters become food Nazis with their families and friends. It's got to drive them nuts, seeing everyone else having all the fun. Eating 'regular' foods with your family (or going to 'regular' restaurants) is also more challenging than having a fridge that ONLY contains skim milk, spinach, and skinless breast of chicken. It'd be so much easier if everyone else ate the same things you did.
I'm still trying to find that balance without going medieval on everyone else. Often, I just take smaller portions or cut out one of the sides. I split entrees with my wife or order the Happy Meal at McDonald's. It may appear abnormal, but, trust me, it's not.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Barriers to Exercise for the Overweight
I've been having an interesting conversation on Twitter with Bill Yates, MD (@wry999). He made an excellent blog post about exercise attitudes in the overweight at:
brainposts.blogspot.com/2009/12/exercise-attitudes-in-those-overweight.html
I posted a reply complimenting him on the post. I added that most obese women will not swim, even though it is one of the safest and most effective exercises for large people, because they don't want to be seen in a swimsuit.
He replied, saying that I had a good point. Did I have any suggestions for breaking through these attitudinal barriers?
I've found that classes where all the participants are large seems to help, especially if they’re in an area with little foot traffic. Exercise videos that people can do behind closed (and locked) doors also help. Our culture's shaming of the obese is not helping the problem. We often use shame as a motivator. These people often have a motivation to exercise, but their fear of public exposure and criticism is a stronger motivation to avoid it.
I didn't realize how little I care about the opinions of others until I began interacting with other people on SparkPeople.com . I was willing to do the swimming, the public walking, the struggling with weights in front of college-aged men. I even did a few sessions of hip-hop and Zumba classes with slender young things wearing official exercise clothes (I was wearing baggy shorts and old T-shirts). Most hardbodies aren't cruel, and the young men at the YMCA even cheered when I managed to get the overhead press over my head. My flat feet and weak back stopped my progress on several occasions, but never embarrassment.
I realized, as I mentioned this, that there is another barrier to exercise for large people that was not mentioned in the study Dr. Yates reviewed: most exercise videos and classes are geared to the already fit, not the beginner and/or the obese. It takes longer to learn the moves, we don’t move as quickly due to our size, and we are slamming a lot more weight on our joints than most people. Some people drop out, discouraged, while others (like me) wind up in physical therapy (I'm a three-time 'winner' in PT). I have videos on my shelf that I tried once and put away because I knew they could injure me (including one Tai Chi video that did injure me).
I've lost about 70 pounds. Most of that was done through eating less, but it was also done through walking, public swimming, strength training at home without weight machines, and Leslie Sansone/SparkPeople videos. The shaming needs to stop, and more exercise programs need to be tailored to the special risks of the obese.
brainposts.blogspot.com/2009/12/exercise-attitudes-in-those-overweight.html
I posted a reply complimenting him on the post. I added that most obese women will not swim, even though it is one of the safest and most effective exercises for large people, because they don't want to be seen in a swimsuit.
He replied, saying that I had a good point. Did I have any suggestions for breaking through these attitudinal barriers?
I've found that classes where all the participants are large seems to help, especially if they’re in an area with little foot traffic. Exercise videos that people can do behind closed (and locked) doors also help. Our culture's shaming of the obese is not helping the problem. We often use shame as a motivator. These people often have a motivation to exercise, but their fear of public exposure and criticism is a stronger motivation to avoid it.
I didn't realize how little I care about the opinions of others until I began interacting with other people on SparkPeople.com . I was willing to do the swimming, the public walking, the struggling with weights in front of college-aged men. I even did a few sessions of hip-hop and Zumba classes with slender young things wearing official exercise clothes (I was wearing baggy shorts and old T-shirts). Most hardbodies aren't cruel, and the young men at the YMCA even cheered when I managed to get the overhead press over my head. My flat feet and weak back stopped my progress on several occasions, but never embarrassment.
I realized, as I mentioned this, that there is another barrier to exercise for large people that was not mentioned in the study Dr. Yates reviewed: most exercise videos and classes are geared to the already fit, not the beginner and/or the obese. It takes longer to learn the moves, we don’t move as quickly due to our size, and we are slamming a lot more weight on our joints than most people. Some people drop out, discouraged, while others (like me) wind up in physical therapy (I'm a three-time 'winner' in PT). I have videos on my shelf that I tried once and put away because I knew they could injure me (including one Tai Chi video that did injure me).
I've lost about 70 pounds. Most of that was done through eating less, but it was also done through walking, public swimming, strength training at home without weight machines, and Leslie Sansone/SparkPeople videos. The shaming needs to stop, and more exercise programs need to be tailored to the special risks of the obese.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I've mostly been dealing with Xmas preparations instead of writing stuff recently, but someone asked me how long I’d been writing fiction and I realized that I started shortly after reading.
I started writing when I was very young, although my first stories centered around horses (intelligent talking horses at that!). I wrote and drew the stories; an early love of mine was comic books. When I started doing comics starring humans, I began with Betty and Veronica and worked myself up to the X-men. My dream during my teenage years was to work for Marvel Comics. Instead, I got a degree in journalism.
My first forays into written print were fanfic and in conjunction with another person. My best friend from high school and I handwrote a 10,000 page saga that should have been titled, “Meet Your Favorite Prince of Amber and Boff Him”. We did another saga based on the Darkover series, but we weren’t nearly as prolific with it. Eventually I started writing on my own, and creating stories with my own characters set in my own worlds.
I started writing an occult mystery/horror novel in the early 1990s, but wasn't sure where to go after I killed off the old tycoon. I was in grad school at the time, which didn't help (although the Greek and Latin I was studying provided lots of fodder). I also met a wonderful woman who chased me until I caught her. She wrote, too, but we weren’t interested in writing when we got together.
I limited my imagination to FRP gaming for some years. Finally, with the encouragement of my wife, I ventured into short stories and got a couple published. I completed my first book (vampires!) a couple of years ago and began shopping around with agents. Didn't have much luck. I'm thinking about revising that book and attempting to sell it now, since Twilight has made the genre popular.
The book I've been working on this year is more of a suspense/thriller novel (psychologist vs. serial killer) with a dash of the supernatural. The writing has been slower than molasses and not nearly as sweet. I know the ideas are strong and the story could be a great one, but I think it hasn't gelled yet in my head.
The path from talking horse stories to serial killer novels has been a strange and twisted one, but it has been fun and it’s been my own.
I started writing when I was very young, although my first stories centered around horses (intelligent talking horses at that!). I wrote and drew the stories; an early love of mine was comic books. When I started doing comics starring humans, I began with Betty and Veronica and worked myself up to the X-men. My dream during my teenage years was to work for Marvel Comics. Instead, I got a degree in journalism.
My first forays into written print were fanfic and in conjunction with another person. My best friend from high school and I handwrote a 10,000 page saga that should have been titled, “Meet Your Favorite Prince of Amber and Boff Him”. We did another saga based on the Darkover series, but we weren’t nearly as prolific with it. Eventually I started writing on my own, and creating stories with my own characters set in my own worlds.
I started writing an occult mystery/horror novel in the early 1990s, but wasn't sure where to go after I killed off the old tycoon. I was in grad school at the time, which didn't help (although the Greek and Latin I was studying provided lots of fodder). I also met a wonderful woman who chased me until I caught her. She wrote, too, but we weren’t interested in writing when we got together.
I limited my imagination to FRP gaming for some years. Finally, with the encouragement of my wife, I ventured into short stories and got a couple published. I completed my first book (vampires!) a couple of years ago and began shopping around with agents. Didn't have much luck. I'm thinking about revising that book and attempting to sell it now, since Twilight has made the genre popular.
The book I've been working on this year is more of a suspense/thriller novel (psychologist vs. serial killer) with a dash of the supernatural. The writing has been slower than molasses and not nearly as sweet. I know the ideas are strong and the story could be a great one, but I think it hasn't gelled yet in my head.
The path from talking horse stories to serial killer novels has been a strange and twisted one, but it has been fun and it’s been my own.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
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