I mentioned some time back that we moved into a gated community with an HOA. Overall, it's a nice place, so I will not name it here. Unfortunately, it has appearance 'standards' we must maintain. This is a bit challenging, since we have enough trouble finding energy and time at home to maintain the interior (think dishes, laundry, etc.).
Anyway, we got one of the letters from the HOA. We need to clean the outside of our mobile palace. I suppose it's to be expected, since the people around us are very anal-retentive about their own properties, but I think it should be illegal to demand this sort of outside labor in Florida in late June.
So far, we have learned the following about cleaning the exterior of a mobile home:
Use a pressure washer. It's faster and more effective. Way more effective. I would use it to remove my freckles, but I think it would take the rest of the skin off, too.
Use something with bleach. Fuck the vegetation. If it worries you, remind yourself that it's going to get diluted fast when you turn the pressure washer on it.
Wear glasses or safety goggles. Also, be careful when edging a pathway with a pressure washer. There's blowback. Never mind how I know this.
Dawn works better at removing grime than laundry detergent does.
Your neighbors, the ones you thought were anal-retentive, will come and ask if you got a letter from the HOA, too.
The aftercare for this endeavor involves cortisone, Benadryl, and Advil. Lots of Advil. But at least we can see the original color of our awnings again.
Update! I just got a friend request from someone with pics that advertised the 2010 Census. They also showed him with bumper stickers implying that he was running for office. I researched the name and discovered that the real guy was sentenced to prison earlier this year. Yes, the pictures match. Either he's looking for a prison pen pal, or someone's spoofing him.
This guide is primarily for women, although gay guys might get some of these invites, too. Men, if you have your own list, feel free to comment.
The past year has brought a flood of friend invites from Facebook IDs of unknown provenance and questionable intentions. Many are from phishers, catfishes, and scam artists. They can also come from exes and the stalkerish set, but no one seems interested in stalking a fat middle-aged lesbian of modest income.
Some of the 'tells' of a fake Facebook ID:
Timeline has a few posts, period, and there are no friends or interests listed. Person is at least an 8 and you are a 5 or lower.
Profile photo is of Hugh Jackman, and profile name is Hugh Jackman. Yes, I got this.
Profile and name are of someone you are already friends with. Every once in a while, someone needs to create a new ID, but try contacting your friend first to be sure.
USA military and widowed. Logic would suggest that the soldiers have a more dangerous lifestyle than their wives, but not with this bunch. Bonus points if the uniform displays a different name than the Facebook name, or is of foreign origin.
Name is Western but consists of two first names, or surname used as first name. I've seen it happen in real life, but it's not common. Reveals a poor grasp of western naming conventions.
Picture is of lily white guy "from Texas" (a favorite state-don't ask me why), but celebrity and sports favorites are Nigerian or Ghanaian. I understand Macedonia is also popular.
Divorced or widowed guy was born in Texas, educated in Europe, and now works "in oil" in the UAE. Listed here because I've seen this several times. I guess this is to reel in gold-diggers. Hmm.
Divorced or widowed guy was born in London, educated in Europe, lives in Texas, claims to be a physician but writes posts like "I lov music,i like siging.All my frid has gon to de stidio,but i dose not,just becaze of money money". Student debt is a killer, I guess.
Picture is of gorgeous African-American man holding a rose, all posts contain romantic lines or praise The Lord. All his friends are women. Real or fake, he's going to break your heart.
If you do friend someone and aren't sure after the fact, use some of the standard cautions for the Internet: don't click on any links they send you, give them your personal information, and Google anything that sounds like a scam for money. Also: take another look at their profile to see if any new red flags appear. Real people usually have a lengthy timeline with less-than-relevant content, and tend to like at least one thing you don't. If the cupboard is bare, tread carefully.
Disclosure: I received an advance copy on Netgalley.
In this collection, Batwoman seeks to stop someone who is supplying illegal weapons to the black market, with the stated goal of killing people from as many different nations as possible. Our intrepid heroine follows the trail in her private yacht until it leads to a place she knows well.
This story is more James Bond than superhero. It's also more Harlequin than Harley Quinn.
The art, done by multiple artists, is beautiful. When she wears her costume and her cowl with the long hair, the art reminds me very much of John Romita, Sr. When you see her out of costume, the art is more Sal Buscema. And if you're familiar with those artists, you get an idea of my age and comic-reading background. The action is good, with rough-and-tumble combat that doesn't hold back due to gender. It brought back the best of my memories and granted me a story with a woman in the lead.
The storyline is good. Katherine Kane is every bit the millionaire playgirl that Bruce Wayne is. Unlike Bruce, she tried to serve her country in the military and was tossed out of West Point for being a lesbian during the bad old days. Afterwards, she became a socialite drunkard who was saved by The Batman from leading a useless life. As Batwoman, she traces the bad guys and gals to Coryana, an island of outlaws... and must face her own past.
You will sense a 'but' coming here. If you are worried about spoilers, this might count... but it's not a surprise to the heroine.
This graphic novel involves a lesbian hero, and I believe it was primarily aimed at lesbians. The majority of lesbian fiction I've seen have been romances, and The Many Arms of Death wanders into this category, too. The leading antagonists and allies are all female, and the majority are either former lovers or romantic rivals of Katherine Kane. While romance comics used to be popular, too, this is a little too insular for me. I want to see lesbians interacting with the 'regular' world of comic books, like Maggie Sawyer of Metropolis SCU. Your opinion may be different.
I award this story four stars because I think it's a good storyline, well-executed, and has great art. I would recommend it to those friends who would appreciate it.
As NaNoWriMo prepares to launch again, the usual debate has begun over how long it 'should' take to write a 'real' novel. I will leave the definition of a 'real' novel to more intelligent minds, since many critics believe that genre novels aren't 'real' books, and I believe that many modern 'literary' novels are merely set in a 'literary' location (New York, the antebellum South, a war-torn country) and have an unhappy ending.
Let's agree that a novel is a story, and that it substantially longer than six words. How long does it take to write a novel? It takes as much time as it needs to finish the story. Some authors can write several books each year, especially if their income depends on it. Stephen King regularly produces enormous books and include 100+ page novellas in his short story collections. Other authors take years to complete books, especially if life (or rehab) gets in the way. Then there's the unfinished "trunk novel" that was put away in a different decade because the writer realized that it was turning out to be a different story than the one she'd thought, and the ending hasn't come to her yet (no names, please).
Writing a story is a noble undertaking. You may never finish it, you may write like crap, you may use the word "really" fifty-two times in the first chapter, you may start off with a weather report and your more hip friends will tell you why that's 'wrong'. But you have begun something that is an extension of you in some way, yet has a life of its own.
You may think that 'inform' merely means to give data to someone else, but it can also mean to give principles or a defining quality to something else, whether it be something written or a way of living. You inform your story via who you are; that's why Travis McGee and Hercule Poirot are so very different. It's why Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone isn't like A Wizard of Earthsea.
Stories also inform your own life. If you've been told you were "the good son" through childhood (a loaded phrase), you are unlikely to embezzle funds from the family business and take off for Cabo with your au pair. If you see yourself as a geek girl, you will join every fandom under the sun and sneer at reality TV. If you tell yourself you are a writer, you will write a tale - and if you tell yourself that you are a good writer, you will finish that story after November if it's not done, and you will review your manuscript to remove those repeated words.
Are you ready to go?
About the author: Stephen Zimmer is an award-winning author and filmmaker based out of Lexington, Kentucky. His works include the Rayden Valkyrie novels (Sword and Sorcery), the Rising Dawn Saga (Cross Genre), the Fires in Eden Series (Epic Fantasy), the Hellscapes short story collections (Horror), the Chronicles of Ave short story collections (Fantasy), and the Harvey and Solomon Tales (Steampunk).
Stephen’s visual work includes the feature film Shadows Light, shorts films such as The Sirens and Swordbearer, and the forthcoming Rayden Valkyrie: Saga of a Lionheart TV Pilot.
Stephen is a proud Kentucky Colonel who also enjoys the realms of music, martial arts, good bourbons, and spending time with family.
Viking Prince Einar (in the 1958 Film The Vikings): Played by Kirk Douglas magnificently, Prince Einar was one of my first encounters with Vikings on screen. I remember watching him run the oars of the longship in amazement (which Kirk Douglas really did, that was not special effects!). This character was part of what drew me to become interested in Vikings, and definitely deserves a place on this list.
Harald Hardrada: Harald Hardrada is a very interesting figure, as a good argument can be made that the Battle of Hastings might have turned out very differently if the Saxons had not had to fight at Stamford Bridge against him before marching south to fight at Hastings. He had extensive travels too, and for a time was even a member of the famed Varangian Guard in the Byzantine Empire. He was said to be a very huge warrior too, in terms of physical stature, and in some ways was an inspiration for my Ragnar Stormbringer character in the Rayden Valkyrie: Saga of a Lionheart TV Pilot.
Olaf Trygvasson: I've always found the history of Olaf Trygvasson fascinating, from his turbulent youth (involving some harrowing escapes) up to becoming King of Norway, and then his end at the Battle of Svolder, where he fought to the end and then jumped off his longship before his enemies could kill or take him prisoner.
Rollo
Rollo (Vikings TV Show version): In the TV series Vikings, I have to say I loved the Rollo character. He is tough and has a great presence on screen, and the development of his character from Berzerker to a Duke in France is a very engaging part of the storyline. Rollo historically is behind a group of Vikings who settled Normandy, whose descendants became the Normans that one day conquered England after the Battle of Hastings.
Herger the Joyous: Herger was a character in the movie 13th Warrior that I absolutely loved. He was the one who, when Antonio Banderas' character found a sword heavy, told him to “grow stronger!”. Full of life, good-natured, and a tough warrior, Herger was a compelling character in that film.
Erik (from The Last Kingdom TV Series): Based on the Bernard Cornwell novels, The Last Kingdom TV Series is a great one for sure. I really liked the Viking character Erik, who has quite a character arc that sees him go from a bloodthirsty, brutal warrior to becoming an honorable man capable of love.
Leif Erikson: Leif Erikson had to have tremendous courage to undertake the voyages that he did. He visited North America centuries before Columbus, and there are identified sites that may confirm the settlements mentioned in the Sagas. Greenland was not the easiest place to carve out a living in either. Leif Erikson's world was definitely not one for the faint of heart.
Cnut the Great: The Vikings did indeed take control of England prior to the Battle of Hastings in 1066, and Cnut the Great not only invaded and conquered England, but also ruled it for over two decades. His rule as a King also extended to Denmark, Norway, and part of Sweden. Very impressive feat for a Viking in those times!
Haakon the Good: A Norwegian Viking King who had a long rivalry with the famous Viking Eric Bloodaxe and his sons, Haakon was a very sharp commander who again and again prevailed against stronger forces sent against him. I've always admired underdogs and Haakon triumphed repeatedly as an underdog in the Viking age.
Ivar the Boneless (Vikings TV Show): As mentioned earlier in this post, I am drawn to underdogs, and Ivar the Boneless is certainly an underdog in the TV show Vikings as he lives in a very tough age of warriors without the use of his legs. Nevertheless, his wits, intelligence, and determination see him overcome foes, survive, and grow. He is not a good character in a moral sense, he is hardened and sometimes very cruel, but he is a survivor and in an age that was not compassionate toward those with disabilities. He has lived a life against seemingly insurmountable odds to become a major leader of Vikings, and for that relentless drive and determination he makes my list here.
Book Synopsis for Heart of a Lion: Rayden Valkyrie. She walks alone, serving no king, emperor, or master. Forged in the fires of tragedy, she has no place she truly calls home.
A deadly warrior wielding both blade and axe, Rayden is the bane of the wicked and corrupt. To many others, she is the most loyal and dedicated of friends, an ally who is unyielding in the most dangerous of circumstances.
The people of the far southern lands she has just aided claim that she has the heart of a lion. For Rayden, a long journey to the lands of the far northern tribes who adopted her as a child beckons, with an ocean lying in between.
Her path will lead her once more into the center of a maelstrom, one involving a rising empire that is said to be making use of the darkest kinds of sorcery to grow its power. Making new friends and discoveries amid tremendous peril, Rayden makes her way to the north.
Monstrous beasts, supernatural powers, and the bloody specter of war have been a part of her world for a long time and this journey will be no different. Rayden chooses the battles that she will fight, whether she takes up the cause of one individual or an entire people.
Both friends and enemies alike will swiftly learn that the people of the far southern lands spoke truly. Rayden Valkyrie has the heart of a lion.
Heart of a Lion is Book One of the Dark Sun Dawn Trilogy.
One of the most off-putting ideas about historical fiction is that one has to know a lot about history to enjoy historical fiction. Worse, that the story is going to be stuffed with as many things to remember as a Christmas card list, which would make for a turgid read! Fortunately, there are many things you won’t need to know to enjoy Murder on the Mullet Express.
Do I need to know Florida’s history?
The characters didn’t need to know it. You’re safe.
Are there historical figures I need to be familiar with to follow this book?
Some of the people are real. If you understand words like “sheriff” and “gangster”, you’ll be fine. There are cheat notes in the back of the book if you get curious.
Do I need to know what the Mullet Express is?
It’s the quickest haircut you can get in Alabama. Okay, we're fibbing. It’s a train that hauls fish and land speculators, but all you need to know is contained in the book title: it’s The Scene of the Crime.
Do I need to know much about the 1920s?
Just pretend that your phone is out of data and you’re too young to drink. And everyone talks like they’re in a Cagney movie.
Do I need to know anything about Homosassa, Florida?
The address contains the magic word: “Florida”. It’s all the information the land speculators needed. As they say: location, location, location.
Do I need to know how a steam engine works?
No, but you’ll learn how to annoy neighbors with a steam radiator.
What does Gertrude Stein write about?
We don’t know either, but it can give you a headache.
Formula Murder is the second Wolf Ruger mystery by Ross Carley. Private Investigator Wolf Ruger, returning Iraq vet with PTSD, tackles high-stakes high-tech crime and elusive murderers in the fast-paced world of Formula racing, undeterred by beautiful women and organized crime. Indianapolis-based HH Racing has a high-stakes technical problem the week before the last big race of the season. The race car’s telemetry malfunctions, baffling the racing team’s experts.
Wolf’s experience and instincts kick into high gear to determine if the telemetry failure and a mysterious fatality are related. Simultaneously, murders strike a mob operation involving espionage and the FBI. Wolf’s best friend Tito Rodriguez provides PTSD support, and his retired mentor Max advises him through the twists and turns of the case.
Wolf must untangle the turmoil before he becomes a victim. While juggling passionate relationships in his personal life, he remains undeterred in pursuit of answers.
"Wolf Ruger of Dead Drive is back! Once again, Carley weaves a tight tale of murder, money, and sex while giving readers an up-close, behind-the-scenes look into the rarefied world of Formula racing. Speed counts in this taut investigation!" - Michele Drier, award-winning author of The Kandesky Vampire Chronicles and The Amy Hobbes Mysteries
Five years ago, I moved from a stable life in Kentucky to an up-and-down existence in Florida. These days, it's more up than down, for which I am grateful. Here are some tips if you're a prospective citizen of the Tampa Bay Area:
Florida has no state tax. This means that anything involving government costs a lot more. Prepare for 'sticker' shock with transferring your vehicle.
Do not underestimate the sun. You might have worked outside all the time up north, but this is different. The Floridian sun can give you freckles through your shirt sleeves, and you can even get sunburned driving home from work.
Related to the above: if you’re trying to make a living in Tampa Bay, expect a long commute. The largest number of jobs are in places you can’t afford to live. Those places are for tourists and the wealthier snowbirds. The assumption is that you’re partially paid in sunshine.
Florida residents have a higher-than-usual risk for skin cancer. I think this must be a corollary.
City regulations in coastal areas are not devised for the benefit of the citizens, but for that of tourists and rich snowbirds, who will supposedly flock to that town, even if there is no beach.
If there is no beach, tourists and rich snowbirds will use your town as a pee stop en route to the beach towns.
You will see advertisements for ‘manufactured homes’. All housing, outside of caves, is manufactured. These are really mobile homes.
Manufactured housing is evacuated first during a hurricane, even if your town has no beach.
The air may be warm in December, but the ocean isn’t. Ditto swimming pools.
You won’t get a refreshing swim in the ocean or the pool during August unless you add a truckload of ice first.
Do not wade or swim in retention ponds. The early developers drained and filled in many natural lakes during their quest to peddle land. Guess where the alligators live now?
Lizards are everywhere, especially dinky ones. Check your shoes.
The climate is favorable to vermin, not people. Expect to invest in heavy-duty prevention measures. Learn where the closest Tractor Supply Company store is, even if you don't own a tractor.
Mashed potatoes ‘Florida style’ are often watery instead of creamy. I don’t know who thought of this, but they should be horsewhipped.
Greek restaurants in Florida often put a scoop of potato salad under the Greek salad. They may claim it’s traditional, but it’s an American tradition. I've been to Greece twice; I know better. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it.
There are two growing seasons in Florida, but many “farmers” at farmers’ markets don’t grow their own wares. Instead, they resell farm produce rejected by the supermarkets. Look for the guy with the badly spelled sign on the side of the road instead.
You will lose snow days and gain hurricane days. Yes, it's weird.
The adjustment is slow, but continuing. Kentucky seems so far away. It is - in distance and time.
Our second major book fair, the Southwest Florida reading festival, took place in a beautiful location. The view of the river was inspiring, especially when we were coming over the bridge. Later that day, I would dream of jumping in those dark blue ripples.
The Sisters in Crime booth had a steady rotation of authors, with our president, Wendy Dingwall, staying all day. She gave Gwen and me plenty of useful information for future affairs. We also had the pleasure of meeting Kate Carson for the first time.
We had a steady flow of people come by our booth in the morning, but it did slow down at lunch. In the afternoon, the crowd thinned. Florida gets warm a lot sooner in the year than Kentucky. We still had a good time sharing information and getting to know one another better.
It's been a long time since Gwen and I did so much standing and walking, especially in the heat. We drank a lot of soda and shared shaved ice, which seemed to evaporate from our bodies as quickly as we consumed them. When we got back to Safety Harbor, we ate, drink more fluids, and collapsed. Two days later, I'm still tired.
This coming weekend is the Venice Book Fair. We'll remember the cooler this time.
I just realized that I never made an announcement here about the book. Everywhere else, yes. Here, no.
So: this is the first in a series of novels that Gwen Mayo and I are writing together. It's mostly set in Homosassa, Florida, but the real fun starts with the train ride. Cornelia Pettijohn is an Army nurse who served in WWI. It's now 1926, the height of the Florida Land Boom, and her Uncle Percival says he wants to buy a warm winter home. Their car breaks down near Ocala, and they take the local, the Mullet Express, to Homosassa. A passenger is poisoned, and subsequently dies. That's when Cornelia discovers that Uncle Percival had a hidden agenda for the trip, and he is now the sheriff's chief suspect.
Since this wasn't enough trouble, her uncle has gained the interest of visiting gangsters as well. She and her companion Teddy Lawless, a flapper in a sixty-year-old body, must save him. Plenty of action ensues with car chases, shootings, arrests, and secrets to uncover. Oh, and nights of heavy drinking. This is during Prohibition, after all.
If you're wondering whether this is the same Percival Pettijohn that appears in Gwen Mayo's Concealed in Ash, you'd be correct. I adore him and stole the character for the short stories we've previously written with Cornelia and Teddy.
The book launch for Murder on the Mullet Express was a success. Books at Park Place was our generous host for the event, and we came prepared for the public. We were armed with gourmet cupcakes, homemade hors d'oeuvres, and beverages. I'm afraid we forgot the wine, something Teddy would never do.
I was very pleased that so many people dropped in to say hello and share the fun. Several of my coworkers came, as did our Sister in Crime Cheryl Hollon, and Mercedes from the Golden Crown Literary Society.
Gwen and I will be taking to the road for the next few months, visiting Homosassa tomorrow, Amelia Island in February, and Ft. Myers and Venice in March. Join us, won't you?
For the last three years, I have been writing a series of modern paranormal fantasy, apocalyptic science fiction, action and adventure novels. Specifically, I have completed Hell Holes: What Lurks Below and Hell Holes: Demons on the Dalton, and I am currently writing Hell Holes: To Hell and Back. Now you might think that research is only needed for writing non-fiction, and that it is not necessary for writing fantasy and science fiction where we have the freedom to “make things up out of whole cloth”. After all, these genres often involve the development of completely imaginary worlds, such as vaguely medieval for fantasy or the far future for science fiction.
However, I find that performing a significant amount of research brings three major benefits:
When writing speculative fiction, keeping the mundane (i.e., real) aspects of the book highly realistic makes the fantastic (i.e., unreal) parts, which requires the reader to suspend disbelief, more believable.
Ensuring that the real aspects of the book have high fidelity to reality means that readers familiar with those topics will not be jarred out of their reading enjoyment by inconsistencies between the book and their personal experience.
Finally, I often find that understanding some topic mentioned in the book suggests interesting additions and changes to the plot and the characters’ actions.
Thus, I find myself constantly performing research while writing my books. For example, my Hell Holes series takes place in northern and central Alaska. The first book is set in Alaska’s North Slope with its barren tundra and ground frozen with permafrost. Given the book’s plot, I needed to know what it was like to camp out on the tundra and how long the days are that far north in the middle of August when the book takes place. The last third of the book takes place in Pump Station 2, a dormant oil pumping station along the Trans-Alaska Pipeline, so I needed to know what it was like. As the name implies, the second book takes place along the Dalton Highway between Fairbanks and Deadhorse and at Eielson Air Force Base. That meant that I needed to research the Dalton Highway including what it is like to drive on and what the major places are along its length that might affect the story. Finally, the military is a significant part of the second book, which meant learning about the relevant military vehicles and the locations at the Air Force base where parts of the book take place.
Luckily, we live in a time in which research is remarkably easy, especially when compared to when I first started writing some fifty years ago. Back then, I was largely restricted to relying on the local library and looking up things in books using the card catalog to find things. Today, the first and primary tool of choice is Google. I use basic Google to learn textual facts, Google Images to learn what things look like, Google Videos to see how tasks are performed and hear what things sound like, and Google Maps to see where things are, and Google Maps Street View to see what places look like. For example, when I was writing Hell Holes: Demons on the Dalton, I used Google Maps Street View to drive the same parts of the Dalton Highway as the characters in the book.
My second main source of information were my subject matter experts. This included a geology professor at the University of Alaska Fairbanks and two former members of the military including a former pilot of the type of helicopter used in the book and a former Marine Corp Lieutenant Colonel. The base historian at Eielson AFB was also extremely helpful. These experts saved me from several serious mistakes. They also made several suggestions that made the military parts of the book more interesting as well as more accurate.
While the first Hell Holes book was written from the first person point of view of a male character, the second book was written from the point of view of a strong female character. To prepare for this change, I spent about nine months reading nothing but paranormal fantasy books having strong female lead characters and written by female authors. This led me to several observations. Female authors typically spend considerably more time describing characters including what they look like and what they wear. They also tend to spend more time addressing how their lead character feels rather than just what they think. By keeping these and other observations in mind, I was able to write a second book that one of the reviewers noted: “it’s amazing that a book written by the same author (Donald Firesmith) can fool one into thinking that it’s written by a completely different person. Such is the strength of the writing that the new “author” (Dr. Menendez) shines through and her personality and writing style is quite different to that of the other journal’s surrogate author, her fictional husband.” Rather than skill, I primarily credit this positive review to the research I performed into the difference between paranormal fantasy books written by male and female authors.
Finally, nothing quite equals personal experience. Last summer, I traveled to Alaska to see several places in the book series first hand. I spent an entire day at Eielson Air Force Base touring all of the major locations in books two and three. I also rented a car and spent another day driving up the Dalton Highway to the Yukon River, which included the site of one of the major scenes in book 2. I also toured the University of Alaska, where book 1 begins. Finally, I took a tour of a pair of U.S. Army managed tunnels into the permafrost, where I learned several interesting things I would not have discover otherwise: (1) that permafrost smells remarkably like dirty gym socks and (2) that when the ice sublimes, it leaves behind a superfine layer of brownish dust that will float in the air when disturbed.
In conclusion, I find that research can be a critically important part of writing modern, paranormal, science fiction and fantasy. In addition to making your writing more realistic, it makes your book’s fantastic events and your character’s strange abilities more believable. It can be a source of story ideas, and it can also be both very interesting and fun. Currently, I am researching small unmanned aerial vehicles (UAVs) and variable-yield, thermonuclear weapons for Hell Holes: To Hell and Back. I can hardly wait to learn what the next topic I will be researching.
About Hell Holes:
When hundreds of huge holes mysteriously appear overnight in the frozen tundra north of the Arctic Circle, they threaten financial and environmental catastrophe should any more open up under the Trans-Alaska Pipeline or any of the many oil wells and smaller pipelines that feed it. An oil company sends a scientific team to investigate. But when the geologist, his climatologist wife, two of their graduate students, a local newspaper reporter, an oil company representative, and a field biologist arrive at one of the holes, they discover a far worse danger lurks below, one that threatens to destroy all of humanity when it emerges, forcing the survivors to flee south towards Fairbanks.
Hosted by: Ultimate Fantasy Book Tours
Amazon.com: https://www.amazon.com/Hell-Holes-What-Lurks-Below-ebook/dp/B012IUE14U
Itunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/hell-holes-what-lurks-below/id1076804292
Booklife: http://booklife.com/project/hell-holes-what-lurks-below-12402
Indigo: https://www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca/books/hell-holes-what-lurks-below/9781310431210-item.html
Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/608355
Author Bio:
A geek by day, Donald Firesmith works as a system and software engineer helping the US Government acquire large, complex software-intensive systems. In this guise, he has authored seven technical books, written numerous software- and system-related articles and papers, and spoken at more conferences than he can possibly remember. He's also proud to have been named a Distinguished Engineer by the Association of Computing Machinery, although his pride is tempered somewhat by his fear that the term "distinguished" makes him sound like a graybeard academic rather than an active engineer whose beard is still slightly more red than gray.
By night and on weekends, his alter ego writes modern paranormal fantasy, apocalyptic science fiction, action and adventure novels and relaxes by handcrafting magic wands from various magical woods and mystical gemstones. His first foray into fiction is the book Magical Wands: A Cornucopia of Wand Lore written under the pen name Wolfrick Ignatius Feuerschmied. He lives in Crafton, Pennsylvania with his wife Becky, and his son Dane, and varying numbers of dogs, cats, and birds.
His magical wands and autographed copies of his books are available from the Firesmith’s Wand Shoppe at: http://magicalwandshoppe.com.
Most of my mental energy this year has been spent trying not to be outsourced finishing my first novel with Gwen Mayo. It's an amusing little story about two retired WWI nurses trying to keep their elderly uncle out of prison - or, worse, a coffin.
Cucumber gimlet at the Vinoy.
The novel takes place in Florida during the 1920's, so Prohibition is a major issue for one of the nurses. Teddy Lawless was caught in the trenches during a poison gas attack, and her lungs were damaged. Since then, she's taken daily doses of liquor for her cough. Medicinal alcohol is perfectly legal; she has a prescription from her physician. But Teddy really likes her medicine, and the allotted daily dose just isn't enough. She likes a good party, too, so she's met some very interesting people in her pursuit of good health.
Which puts me in an interesting position: I don't drink, but I'm writing a lush tippler. Once this book gets out there, and everyone discovers how good it is, readers will make assumptions about me based on Teddy. Gabriel Iglesias, also known as "Fluffy", talks about chocolate cake, so people bring him chocolate cake. I'm picturing myself surrounded by bottles (to be honest, I'd rather have the cake).
Secret exit not shown.
So, I've been trying various cocktails, trying to find one I can tolerate. I can deal with pina coladas (well, weak ones), but they weren't invented yet.So, I've been trying drinks that come closer to the recipes of the 1920s.
Experiment 1: We visited the Jungle Prada Tavern, better known in the 1920s as The Gangplank, a nightclub supposedly owned by Al Capone.
The pub food was great, but the drink I tried was far too strong for my dainty palate (the same one I eat Cheetos with). This was one of the milder rum drinks, plus I told the waitress to only put in half the booze they would normally use. I'm sure they did, but I felt my tastebuds shrink from the shock. Better luck next time, I told myself.
Experiment 2: We visited the Vinoy, which is a grand hotel in the old style. It also existed in 1926 St. Petersburg. This time, I experimented with gin. It was a common ingredient in the cocktails of that time. I tried the cucumber gimlet, which included Hendrick's Gin. The cucumber slice garnish was nice, but the drink tasted like medicine. Some research on the Hendrick's web site told me why: while the main flavors are supposed to be cucumber and rose petals (!), there were several infused botanicals I recognized from my days of imbibing herbal medicines. None of them tasted good.
I haven't decided what to try for Experiment 3. Maybe I'll just tell people I'm in recovery, and hope they'll take me at my word.
In The Six Million Dollar Man, Steve has prosthetic limbs (and an eye) after a crash that left him nearly dead. These nuclear-powered prosthetics look and feel like his original biologic limbs, but they’re much stronger.
In Remnant in the Stars, Major Kirsten Abbott ends up with a prosthetic forearm after she ejected from her crippled Pulsar light fighter and was hit by debris when it blew up. Unlike the 1974 TV show, Kirsten’s arm doesn’t cooperate with her, and it doesn’t feel like her own arm. Had it worked properly, it would have been a reasonable replacement, allowing her to move and act as if she hadn’t lost her forearm in the battle.
Our current prosthetics aren’t nearly as advanced as Kirsten’s arm, let alone The Six Million Dollar Man, but they’ve advanced beyond three-prong pincers and the like.
One recent innovation is ReWalk. This is similar to some of the powered armor suits being developed by the military, but it’s in no danger of turning someone into Iron Man. The ReWalk exoskeleton helps people with hip, knee, and spinal injuries to walk, climb stairs, and stand. It’s intended to help people with spinal cord injuries walk again.
Unfortunately, ReWalk is heavy, roughly 50 pounds. People using ReWalk need a walker or crutches to keep stable, so users need to have reasonable upper body strength.
Here, check this out to see how it works:
Another similar product is Ekso Bionics’ eLEGs (Exoskeleton Lower Extremity Gait System). It also weighs in at about 45 pounds and requires crutches for stability.
There is a military version called HULC (Human Universal Load Carrier). It does not require crutches to keep the person steady, but then it’s intended, not for paraplegics, but for soldiers to help them carry greater loads in adverse conditions.
Watch this for more details:
Other companies are focusing on prosthetic arms and hands, some of which are very well-articulated.
Advanced Arm Dynamics is one of those companies. They have developed hands that can pick up small things like coins and dice. The one demonstrated in this video can be programmed using a smart phone.
Steeper has BeBionic, an articulated hand that has 14 grip patterns. Me? I didn’t realize there were 14 ways I could grip something, but the video on the page shows all 14 of them. One I wouldn’t have thought of was the Mouse Grip.
Here’s a video of a gent showing a prosthetic BeBionic forearm.
When I originally wrote Remnant in the Stars, the advances shown in these videos didn’t exist yet. Although the technology available today isn’t nearly what Kirsten has in the tale, I don’t doubt that our science will catch up long before the timeline of the story in few hundred years.
Originally from Michigan, Cindy Koepp has a degree in Wildlife Sciences and teaching certification in Elementary Education from rival universities. After teaching for fourteen years, she pursued a master’s degree in Adult Learning with a specialization in Training and Performance Improvement. Cindy has five published science fiction and fantasy novels, a serial published online, short stories in five anthologies, and a few self-published teacher resource books. When she isn’t reading or writing, Cindy spends time whistling with a crazy African Grey. Cindy is currently working as an optician in Iowa and as an editor with PDMI Publishing and Barking Rain Press.
I picked up this book because I'd heard several of the stories on CreepsMcPasta, and they stood out from the other creepypasta I'd listened to. The stories were disturbing and didn't rely on gore to generate fear. They relied on the listener's imagination. In this collection, the author has expanded on his original narratives and added some more material to bring the overall story arc to a conclusion. Expanding the previous stories wasn't a good idea; it consisted of adding meaningless text that turned a group of slightly rambling childhood tales into ones that wandered too far afield. Execution can be learned with practice, though; I still wanted to see where the author took things. The emotional impact these stories have stem from reading the child's view of the incidents that happen to him, his friends, and his pet, but filtering them through an adult perspective. The childhood the unnamed character has the sort of details you would see in any child's life, at least one of an earlier generation. Today's parents wouldn't let their children wander as far afield as our young hero, but I remember having those freedoms myself... perhaps that's why this story worked for me. The kid could have easily been a child of the 1970s or 80s, which the use of Polaroids seemed to imply. The type of phones he and his friends used as teenagers, though, would be a little ahead of their time in that case. So, we have a collection of stalkerish memories, presented in nonchronological order, with important details left out. Very much like memories in real life. Even with the big reveal at the end, there are still questions the reader, and the character, have. But it works; the reader is left with disturbing emotions. Perhaps it works because the details are missing, and, once again, it is up to the reader's imagination to fill them in.
Finders Keepers, the second book in King’s Bill Hodges trilogy, was nominally the sequel to Mr. Mercedes. Certainly it is the sequel in the Bill Hodges timeline. End of Watch, however, is the true sequel to Mr. Mercedes, and the ending of Bill’s story.
End of Watch reunites the Mr. Mercedes team – Bill Hodges, retired cop, Holly Gibney, computer whiz with OCD, and Jerome Robinson, high school student now attending college – against Brady Hartsfield, the man who brought them together. The first book of the series was a straight-up thriller; this book travels firmly into the author’s home territory. Our pal Brady received brain damage at the end of the first novel that should have put him in nursing care for life, but a neurologist decides that he wants to try an experimental treatment on the hush-hush with the crippled spree killer. Now Brady’s body is still a wreck, but he has new psychic abilities. They let him drive people to suicide, and he relishes it.
Bill and Holly are still running their "not-a-detective-agency" detective agency, and Bill is called to consult on one of the suicide cases because of its ties to the Mr. Mercedes case. He quickly scents Brady's involvement, because he has always believed that Brady was faking mental incapacity. He pursues his suspicion aggressively, but Bill has a problem: he's dying of cancer. During his pursuit, he uses increasingly ineffective pain pills to keep going, and he lies to Holly about his health. Naturally, she is too smart and learns the truth, but she can either help him stop Brady or walk away. Jerome joins them when his sister nearly dies by Brady's mental pushing. The trio are pushed to their limits as they chase a man who can kill without touching, and flee from body to body.
King handles the action with his usual skill, but his gift has always been in characterization. His heroes read like real people, from their frailties to their taste in food, and they age and face new issues as King does. He's also begun to add new viewpoints from characters who are not like himself. In the first novel, Holly Gibney starts as a meek and neurotic woman still under her mother's thumb. She becomes integral in solving the Mr. Mercedes case and is the one who physically brings Brady down. In End of Watch, she still has her nervous tics, but she has pushed through them to run a successful business with Bill. She is a full partner in the investigation, and King tells the story sometimes from her viewpoint. At the end of the third novel, we see that with or without Bill, Holly is strong enough to make her way.
This has been a very quiet year for us in terms of announcements about the books we've published or stories we've written. We've been dealing with home repairs (free air conditioning should be a constitutional right in Florida), getting involved with our new Sisters in Crime chapter, and facing our first official hurricane in the Sunshine State. You can assume from this post that we survived Hermine. It was odd, though, to get time off for bad weather in the summer.
Oh, and we had a vacation. A real vacation, the first in several years that was longer than a three-day weekend. Gwen cooked many lovely things, we swam daily, and we also got to read for pleasure, something that we don't get to do as often as we'd like.
During this quiet summer, though, after the release of Strangely Funny III, Gwen and I were very busy, but not so you'd notice on our business page. We were finishing our first novel together. You're probably wondering how we accomplished that: she's a plotter who writes very serious, often dark, mysteries set in the 1870s; I'm a snarker with a short attention span, and most of my stories are set in the present day. I think you'll like our compromise: a mystery set during the 1920s Florida land boom. It has poison, car chases, mobsters, and some serious hangovers. Oh, and one Gertrude Stein book.
Murder on the Mullet Express will be coming out in early 2017.
Chances are, you won’t look at the intestines on the cover of my new collection of horror stories, Peritoneum, and think, “This guy has read every Jane Austen novel at least twice!” While I suppose Northanger Abbey should be my favorite, on some days it’s Sense and Sensibility.
Austen was doing a lot of her best writing in the 1790s, which was when some of the most important early horror novels were written. Austen’s marriageable women characters seem to be in mortal danger, but their danger is murky. Gothic novelist Ann Radcliffe, Austen’s contemporary, like Austen’s phenomenally successful “domestic novelist” predecessor Samuel Richardson, made the danger much clearer: women of certain classes who lacked the protection of men were under constant threat of rape. In such an unbalanced society, even the most trivial-seeming social interactions had extreme stakes. A simple tea could make your heart jump out of your chest.
Ladies dreamt of Pemberley, and meanwhile, the French mounted heads on spikes. The 1700s were not tame or polite. Google the paintings of William Hogarth, or read the Marquis de Sade. It was a time of revolutionary extremes.
For the Peritoneum epigraph, I chose a quote from 1700s-superstar Jonathan Swift. A line from Swift: “Last week I saw a woman flayed, and you will hardly believe how much it altered her person for the worse.” A classic Swiftian bit of ironic understatement, it’s also a really gory joke. Swift uses the joke to thoughtful ends, and one of his points is this: probing beneath the surface of things, for reasons and truths, might produce ugliness instead of answers. That’s a bracing bit of wisdom from a time known as “The Age of Reason.” But when the alternative to Pemberley might be rape, women might very well feel unsafe in their skin. Austen kept the skin on, but she showed its vulnerability.
Our reasons for feeling unsafe in our skin in the 2000s are different. Sexual violence remains real enough, but we have a different brand of social unbalance. We’re scared of terrorists and mass shootings and viruses and politicians and scientists, but the ugliness is still in our guts, ready to alter our persons for the worse. Ours is a time of revolutionary extremes.
Nowadays Jane Austen gets marketed with zombies and sea monsters. We don’t seem to be in a subtle, skin-on mood, which is fine with me (cf my book cover, which I adore), although I have to admit I prefer my Austen the old way. I’m not advocating for a return to Austen’s indirect manner of suggesting the horrors beneath the skin during her high-stakes ballroom soirees, nor do I think we ought to flay all the people all the time to accommodate twenty-first-century extremism. I’m saying that the 1700s, in Austen’s politeness and Swift’s abattoirs, gave us what we need for our times: both skin-on and skin-off techniques for exploring revolutionary ugliness. Austen and Swift didn’t take anything for granted. She kept the skin on because she wrote about society’s surfaces, their fragility, commenting on how she maneuvered her little brush on two little inches of delicate ivory. While Austen’s writing is as controlled as her heroines must be to survive the gauntlet of courtship, Swift’s is wild and digressive, as chaotic as a flaying, as his satirical work is itself a flaying of society to expose the guts unsusceptible to control. To explore their worlds’ revolting undersides, Austen and Swift wrote in revolutionary ways. Understated or uproarious, dancing or flayed, the characters writers suspend before readers contain glorious imperfections, the exposure of which can tantalize and horrify. The 1700s gave us blueprints for exposure. It’s time we followed them to destinations fit for modern revolt.
L. Andrew Cooper scribbles horror: novels Burning the Middle Ground and Descending Lines as well as anthologies of experimental shorts Leaping at Thorns (2014 /2016) and Peritoneum (2016). He also co-edited the anthology Imagination Reimagined (2014). His book Dario Argento (2012) examines the maestro’s movies from the 70s to the present. Cooper’s other works on horror include his non-fiction study Gothic Realities (2010), a co-edited textbook, Monsters (2012), and recent essays that discuss 2012’s Cabin in the Woods (2014) and 2010’s A Serbian Film (2015). His B.A. is from Harvard, Ph.D. from Princeton. Louisville locals might recognize him from his year-long stint as WDRB-TV’s “movie guy.” Find him at amazon.com/author/landrewcooper, facebook.com/landrewcooper, and landrewcooper.com.
We were treated very well by the people at Gulf Gate. They had the rooms set up with chairs and tables, plus they had fruit and bottled water available in a nearby room. The Friends of the Library provided us with lunch, which was generous and much appreciated.
Adult Services Coordinator Ellen India was in charge of the event, and she introduced us as the newest Sisters in Crime chapter in Florida.
Ellen wore the Headdress of Power, which was subsequently passed on to me.
I did a short talk about using dialogue as a tool in writing - how it could provide useful information in a "showing" rather than a "telling" way (which sounds counterintuitive), but could also be used to reveal character.
Naturally, I gave examples. I chose from the best: Agatha Christie, Alexander McCall Smith, Len Deighton, Robert B. Parker, and Sarasota's favorite son John D. MacDonald.
I fear my serious manner may have suffered slightly while I wore The Headdress of Power.
Louise Titchener followed up with a writing workshop on the practical aspects of dialogue - tags, surrounding narrative, adding action, etc. The fun part was the 'pencils on' section.
First, we read a passage of dialogue that was turgid with excess narration and adverbs. We were invited to edit the passage and present the new (and improved) version to the group.
Then, we took a passage from John D. MacDonald that had been stripped down to only what was spoken, and asked to fill in the blank spaces between the lines. After we'd finished, Titchener read what MacDonald had written.
The Suncoast News Network was there to interview Ellen India about the Sisters in Crime program, and we were later especially gratified to see Gwen's book covers featured in the footage.
Naturally, Gwen Mayo and I had a table set up in the authors' room. We had some sales, and I got to try out Square on the new phone.
I'm afraid we were out of copies of History and Mystery, Oh My!, which contained the stories that were finalists for the Agatha Awards. Time to reorder!
In the afternoon, we had a panel discussion on unraveling the mysteries of publishing. The panelists were Gwen, representing Mystery and Horror, LLC, Brenda Spaulding, who had started by self-publishing, and Janet Heijens, a traditionally published author. The moderator was Yours Truly, who probably gave too many asides.
The panel was followed by a Q and A session that was pleasingly active.
Unfortunately, everyone who shared pictures with me was on the panel. So, I will end here with another pic of me wearing The Headdress.
