Used with permission from Debbie Ridpath Ohi at Inkygirl.com.
Inkygirl has put her pencil nib on a few of the annoying things writers (especially non-famous ones) deal with when their non-writing friends learn that they are writers.
Here are ones I've heard, with less-than-polite truthful answers:
- I have this great idea for a book. (Unless you are another writer, 99% chance it's not. If you are a writer, 85% chance it's not. Please limit your pitch to query-letter length.)
- Why don't you make my great idea into a book, and we can split the profits? (Why don't YOU write it, since it's your story? If you expect ME to write it, that split will be 1% to you for inspiration and 99% to me for perspiration, as per Thomas Edison.)
- I had this dream last night. I'm sure it would make a great book. (Gaaahhh! Please, please don't tell it to me!)
- Let me tell you about it in great detail. (Nooooo! Please stop! Why didn't I schedule that root canal for today? I'm sure there's a dentist somewhere that works on Saturday.)
- Where do you get your ideas? (Good ideas come from the Muses. Not sure where the f--- mine come from, but people aren't buying them. Oh, wait, I have these dreams... let me tell YOU about my latest one in great detail.)
- Writing is easy. You just get an idea and write it down. (Yeah, which is why it took three years to write my first novel and why my psychiatrist is trying 60mg of Lexapro on me for my 'existential angst').
- I'd like to write a novel. If only I had the time like you do. (Based on your blow-by-blow description of "Jersey Couture", I'd say that you DO have the time. There are authors who've finished books while working two jobs, raising children, etc. It's not time, it's the trouble that stops you. Come to think of it, that's why it took me three years to write my first novel.)
- Once you sell that novel, you'll be able to sit back and let the royalties roll in. (You really don't know anything about the publishing industry or the current book market, do you? Thanks for your confidence, though.)