Friday, June 29, 2018

The Price of Fine Living

Not my mobile palace.
I mentioned some time back that we moved into a gated community with an HOA. Overall, it's a nice place, so I will not name it here. Unfortunately, it has appearance 'standards' we must maintain. This is a bit challenging, since we have enough trouble finding energy and time at home to maintain the interior (think dishes, laundry, etc.).

Anyway, we got one of the letters from the HOA. We need to clean the outside of our mobile palace. I suppose it's to be expected, since the people around us are very anal-retentive about their own properties, but I think it should be illegal to demand this sort of outside labor in Florida in late June.

So far, we have learned the following about cleaning the exterior of a mobile home:

  1. Use a pressure washer. It's faster and more effective. Way more effective. I would use it to remove my freckles, but I think it would take the rest of the skin off, too.
  2. Use something with bleach. Fuck the vegetation. If it worries you, remind yourself that it's going to get diluted fast when you turn the pressure washer on it.
  3. Wear glasses or safety goggles. Also, be careful when edging a pathway with a pressure washer. There's blowback. Never mind how I know this.
  4. Dawn works better at removing grime than laundry detergent does.
  5. Your neighbors, the ones you thought were anal-retentive, will come and ask if you got a letter from the HOA, too.

The aftercare for this endeavor involves cortisone, Benadryl, and Advil. Lots of Advil. But at least we can see the original color of our awnings again.