Review: Ice Cold

Ice Cold by Tess Gerritsen

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I've read several of Tess Gerritsen's novels, but I've never been able to get into her Rizzoli and Isles books. I'm a sucker for a survival story, though, and was intrigued enough by the description on the flyleaf to give it a try. It did not disappoint in that area. Maura's struggle to live through the punishing cold early in the book and, later, eluding would-be killers with the boy Rat were both compelling to me.

I also found myself connecting with Maura on a deeper level than my previous experiences. She begins the book at an impasse with her current lover (Isles seems to have a bad track record in choosing lovers). Her impulse to do something, anything to break out of her life's pattern is very understandable and, naturally, leads to trouble. Her experiences help her clarify what she wants to do with the relationship - mostly by blasting her out of her love-angst.

I don't want to give any spoilers, but the book starts with a 'garden variety' polygamous cult with a charismatic prophet. You think you know what happened to his followers... but you don't. You also think that the boys raised in this patriarchal cult would be greatly valued and groomed to rule... but they're not. The ending holds a final twist that truly did surprise me... but made sense at the same time.

This was a great read. I plowed through it within 24 hours - it was that enjoyable. I think other non-Rizzoli and Isles readers might enjoy it, too.

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Review: Snow Blind

Snow Blind by Lori G. Armstrong

My rating: 2 of 5 stars


This was my first experience with Lori Armstrong's work, but it is the last in the series with Julie Collins. I don't know what the other books were like, but I would describe this one as bipolar.

The situation Julie and her partner Kevin are hired to investigate isn't an uncommon one for a novel by a woman writer with a female detective: find out if an old man is being exploited by the nursing home he lives in. We meet the various characters at the home, everyone from paid 'volunteers' to the requisite spunky old lady. The investigation begins...

...and then Julie is called out to her father's ranch. She battles a blizzard and painful memories while trying to save her father from a murder charge. Dark family secrets surface, some from her family, some from other families. The difference between this and the first part of the book is night and day. I was going "uh-huh, uh-huh" up till the trip to the ranch, after which things got interesting.

Eventually Armstrong takes Julie back to her assigned case, which is now only a pale distraction in comparison to the dark drama we were plunged into. Julie gets to the bottom of the case, but for me the good part of the book had already ended.

I hope the author will do more novels that focus on stories as dark and gripping as the subplot in this novel. I found it much more interesting than the more predictable 'real case'.



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The Bio. NOW what do I say?

Everyone who read last week's post will be glad to learn that I finished the edits in good time. Once I got into them, I remembered how much I liked the characters and it really wasn't that scary.

I'm almost ready to ship the edits back to Pill Hill Press, but I'm lacking something important: an author bio. I'm at a loss for words.

Now, let me make it clear that I've done bios for short stories. They're brief and often have pop culture references. I'd like to stick with brief, but I don't think I should make my usual confession that I wanted to grow up to be Kolchak, except smarter (the idiot hunted vampires alone at night). Wouldn't the Kolchak people try to sue me for that?

My bios are usually tailored to fit the story. For example, in my bio for Fish Tales, the SinC Guppies' first anthology, I mentioned that I had been born in Asheville, NC and had deep family roots there because my story was set in Asheville. I worked an NCIC terminal at my local police department for seven years, so I mention that in stories with central characters that work for the police.

My novel is about a lesbian vampire that moves into a gated community. What the hell do I do with that? I'm a lesbian who played Vampire: the Masquerade about ten years ago. Not quite the same thing. If I'd planned ahead for my writing career, I would have been born about ten years later with a higher metabolism. Then, I would have been young and thin enough to join one of the vampire cults. Instead, I was an old, boring nerd when that became the rage.

Sadly, I am more qualified to write about the New Ager the vampire dates for a while. I know quite a bit about astrology, crystals, and Tarot. When you meet my vampire, Cynthia, you will know why this is not a compliment. I am more qualified to write the science geeks she interacts with, after living in the engineering dorm at OSU and dating the people I gamed with. I'm also better equipped to write about the pettiness of bureaucrats, after years of working for the city, the University, and volunteering for my political party.

None of this boils down to the thumbnail sketch I'm hoping to create. I probably should mention the degree in journalism. It makes me sound like I've been trained in writing, at least. The rest is going to require more thought.

Any suggestions for useful things to include in a bio for someone who's written a vampire novel? And please, no 'blood bank employee' suggestions. I've studied dead languages... does that count?

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The Thrill of Victory... The Agony of Delete

A short time ago, I discovered that I could look up the stats for this blog. Among the information listed, I discovered that someone found my site by asking, "Is Pill Hill Press a vanity press?" I can attest that, having recently received their edits for my novel, that they are nothing of the sort. What little vanity I have took a serious blow.

Comments in red, blue, and purple ink fill the margins throughout the book. I overuse certain words, and they're longer than four letters. Entire paragraphs have been flagged as 'wordy' or 'unclear', so it's probably time to STFU about James Joyce. I've also been asked to delete a few blocks of writing as unnecessary to the story. Ouch!

These are common errors, though. Em dashes and new word choices just need to be 'fixed'. It gets worse. My editor found contradictions of logic and inconsistencies in my vampire physics. I've had a couple of real "Oh, s--t!" moments. This stuff will require serious thought and rewriting.

I feel like an utter idiot. How could I have managed to leave so much stuff screwed up after four drafts? I have to remind myself that my editor, who is also my publisher, saw these same pages, errors included, when she decided to offer me a contract. Despite the amount of ink decorating the margins, she must have thought that these problems were surmountable.

I must also remind myself that I can get my characters and plot to do the things needed because, in the words of Donald Maass, they are "a work of fiction". This is made up stuff, and I am a writer. I can do this.

So, I picked up my yelping, whimpering manuscript, and began revisions. I'm proceeding one step at a time, untangling its words, making it stand up straight, and putting its shoes on the correct feet. Solutions have already begun coming to me. I will get this done... and the book will be better for it.

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Voices of Mystery: Molly MacRae

Ball State professor Nancy Carlson interviews Molly MacRae about her newest novel, Lawn Order. The interview took place at the last Magna cum Murder.



When you're through watching this interview, why not follow up with Gwen Mayo's?

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Quantity and Quality - Not What You Think

In a recent exchange on the #amwriting thread on Twitter, I said that I had only written about 400 words. Someone responded: "Quality, not quantity!" When I thought about those words, though, I realized that this axiom doesn't quite work with my approach to writing.

Quality? I hope I eventually get there with everything I write. My method of getting there, though, is to sit down and force myself to write the scene, even if I'm not sure where I'm going or what's going to happen later in the story. I brazen it out, feeling foolish and seeing the clumsiness of the words.

Then, I fix it. I go back and forth, changing redundant words, seeking the perfect way - or at least a clear way - of saying what I want to say. I may have only had 400 new words on my computer screen, but there were probably another 300 I deleted en route to better phrasing. Like Penelope, I weave and unravel. Unlike her, my objective is to finish the job.

After I have a washcloth or face towel of writerly fabric, I smooth out the phrasing, add details, and take out all the "reallys". Sometimes, I shift whole blocks of words because I've gotten ahead of myself and the material needs to be put into chronological order. With novels, I write the scenes as they come to me and then list them on calendar pages. Once I know 'when' everything is, I reorder the scenes and fix them, reweaving the golden thread of continuity, until they fit together again.

But before all those repairs comes the moment of throwing the words down on the page: the "Well, here goes!" moment. I learned that from journalism. We'd come into class, which was set in a room with typewriters and reams of papers (yes, I know I'm dating myself by admitting that). The professor would have certain facts written up on the board - the famous "Who, What, Where," etc. He would tell us: "Write a page and a half on this. You have X minutes." Naturally, this led to a lot of panicked typing. When the time was up, we had to turn in our work, finished or not. I wondered then why we so rarely got our work back with grades. Now I know why... the point was to get us to write, to set aside our fears of being imperfect.

These days, I occasionally hear people complain: "They don't teach you how to write in journalism, they just teach you to write to deadline. You don't learn anything about the art of it."

You can talk about the craft of writing all day, but you won't learn that craft until you actually write. The same with painting, playing music, dancing, sports... you develop skill and craft by doing. Later, in the higher level classes, our instructors did talk more about the skills and approaches to different types of articles, but first we had to learn to write. Imperfectly, of course, but... to write.

The art comes in the rewrite. At least it does for me.

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Guest Post on Austin Camacho's Blog Today!

Austin Camacho is the author of the Hannibal Jones series. If you haven't had the pleasure of meeting him at Bouchercon or Magna cum Murder, he is a great person. I'm the featured guest today at Another Writer's Life, his blog.

http://ascamacho.blogspot.com/2011_01_01_archive.html#6259530527804702729

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Please go VOTE for my wife!

Preditors & Editors is doing their Best of 2010 poll. If you're familiar with their usual work, I want to assure you that this is a positive poll.

Gwen Mayo's book, Circle of Dishonor, is in the running for Best Mystery Novel. Gwen is my wife, in case you didn't know... so I am imploring everyone to go over to the poll and vote for her. While you're there, you might find some other books and authors you want to support. Pill Hill Press is making a very good showing in several categories.

The slate for Mystery Novels is at:

http://www.critters.org/predpoll/novelmys.shtml

Please consider supporting Gwen's first novel... if not, support someone. Writers need all the encouragement they can get.

Your friend in nepotism,

Sarah Glenn
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I May Have Super Powers! So May You!

Unfortunately, they only work on flu. According to 'recent research', some people (okay, nine people) who got swine flu in 2009 developed super-powerful immune systems that are hell on wheels as far as the flu is concerned.

The power of the H1N1 immune response is extraordinary. According to the researchers, five of the types of antibodies isolated in their research would be enough to fight off all seasonal flu variations, the Spanish flu virus that killed as many as 50 million people in the pandemic of 1918, and a potentially deadly bird flu strain known as H5N1.

Guess who came back from Bouchercon 2009 with swine flu? You guessed it! I may have a super-duper immune system now, rendering me immune from all major flu strains plus the scary avian flu, too! Not only that, my wife was with me and caught swine flu also! What a relief to her supervisors, who now know they can call "bullshit' on her if she ever takes off work for 'the flu' again. Her employability just went up.

The best part? We caught it at Bouchercon, which had over a thousand attendees. This means that many mystery writers and their fans were exposed to super powers, too! Since Sisters in Crime held a workshop the day before, perhaps we should rename ourselves "The Wonder Women".

The now-super-powered Ohio River Valley Chapter of Sisters in Crime.

It's nice to know that my favorite mystery writers are safe from the flu forever. It's also nice to know that there will be plenty of bookbuying fans to come back year after year after year.

I only have one burning question...

Will it protect me from the common cold as well?

Setting Your Goals for the New Year

Okay, now that I've blathered about my own goals for the New Year, you probably got bored and thought about something more interesting: your goals for the New Year. As a compulsive list-maker and goal setter, let me offer you some suggestions.


I do strongly suggest that you think in terms of goals rather than resolutions. So many resolutions involve "don't" behavior. Every time you think "Don't do ___," you're thinking about ___. In fact, you're starting to obsess about it. How can you stop without doing ___?

Phrasing can be very important in the case of goals that do involve stopping certain kinds of behavior, such as overeating. Losing weight is especially challenging, because you have to keep eating, while trying 'not' to eat too much. Try thinking in terms of eating 'enough' rather than 'not overeating'. It might help.

When you set your goals, be realistic. Be realistic in terms of what you think you can accomplish, not what you've heard other people can or did do. Sure, the fat people on those TV weight loss shows did lose a remarkable amount of weight in a relatively short time. They also had coaches and cooks helping them out. We're also learning that sometimes more time passes between episodes than a real-life week. Measuring yourself by those standards will make you feel like a failure every week you lose less than five pounds.

Speaking of realistic, be sure your goals are about you. Getting your husband to stop smoking isn't under your control, it's under his control. You may have an obedient child who wants to please, but if she's not a 'morning person', this is unlikely to change. Some goals, by definition, do involve other people. If you're trying to get better performance ratings at work, or peddle your book to a publisher, a good portion of the outcome is in other people's hands. In this case, being realistic means you must accept that you might fail despite your best actions. Sometimes your boss just has it in for you.

Be specific. What is the most important thing you're trying to accomplish? "Reduce debt" sounds good, but is sort of vague. You might consider paying the minimums on your credit cards 'reducing debt' (FYI: no, it's not). "Retire my VISA card" or "Close my Dillard's account for good" are clearer goals.

Prepare to stick with it. Weight Watchers has a successful program. So does SparkPeople. Frankly, there are a lot of diet systems that really can help you lose weight - if you stick to them. Ask yourself how serious you are about your goal before ponying up time and money for a gym membership, new running shoes, etc. Paying off that MasterCard? You're probably going to have to do without some indulgences to make those higher payments... every single month.

Look for tools to help. Educate yourself. I mentioned there are a lot of diet systems that can help you - there are also a number of financial advice sites that can steer you towards better credit or reduced debt, if that's your goal (look for advice columns, not people who want you to pay them money to 'repair your credit'). MSN Money's Personal Finance isn't a bad place to start. Trying to stop smok- uh, live tobacco-free? Look at the American Lung Association pages. Educate yourself, then work from there.

Finally...

Don't make your list too long. Cut yourself a little slack, will you? You need downtime. You're starting the New Year with plenty of energy and zeal (or bloated regret), but both will wear off by the time January is over. Set a few really important goals and pursue them. If you accomplish some other stuff, great, but don't schedule every minute of every day for working on yourself. The brightest guy I know, a mathematician, takes time off to watch the Simpsons. If his brilliant brain needs time off from weighty issues, so does yours.

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Planning the New Year

“Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans”

- John Lennon

Some people make resolutions for the New Year: I make lists. Each January, I used to make long lists of what I wanted to accomplish that year. I set up goals for my health (read for this: lose weight), finances, employment, spirituality, and, of course, for my writing. When I married, I expanded the chart of goals to include my wife's goals as well (not sure how she felt about that, but I'm a little OCD). We bought a house, so I added a new category for work around the house (painting, fixing stuff, etc.).

Every December, I reviewed the list to see how I'd done. Gentle Reader, I'm sure you're intelligent enough to guess that I was lucky to get half of my goals anywhere near accomplishment in twelve months. My goals were set up for blue skies, not the changeable climate of real life. Why not aim for the best?

Oh, well.

A couple of years ago, I decided to do something simpler: a short list of things I thought were really important. Since then, December hasn't been nearly as brutal.

My goals for 2010:
Lose weight. Finish rewrite. Get an agent. Please note that I dropped 'Get out of debt' from the list after taking out a loan to replace our central air. A house is a money pit. We're just lucky we don't have children to raise.

Goals accomplished? Well, I didn't lose weight, but I maintained the weight I've lost (although the jury is still out until after I escape my mother's clutches). I did finish the rewrite. I didn't get that agent, but I got a publisher, which was better!

Goals for 2011... Hrm. Lose weight (perennial goal). Promote book. I was working on a separate book with a new character when I got the good news. Do I try to finish it, or restart work on the sequel for All This and Family, Too?

Lots to plan for... I may only accomplish the first two goals. Or... maybe only the second goal. I'll be satisfied if it comes off well.

I hope everyone has a great New Year. Try not to get too hung up on resolutions or lists.
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Recipe: Mom's Avgolemono Soup

The finished product.

Today, I'm posting something you will rarely see here: a recipe. I rarely cook, and when I do it usually involves boiling water and some sort of powder or item in a can. However, I am visiting my mother, who is Greek, and she makes the best avgolemono soup in the world. All cultures seem to have some form of chicken soup; this is the Greek version.

Although I first posted this on Sparkpeople.com, this is not a 'healthy' recipe. This is the way my mother, a real Greek, makes it... although the bouillon is a recent addition. Restaurants often just use the egg whites; my mother uses whole eggs.

Ingredients:

Chicken Broth, 10 cup (8 fl oz)
Egg, fresh, 5 large
Lemon Juice, 4 lemon yields
White Rice, medium grain, 4 cup
Chicken bouillon, 3 cubes
Salt and pepper to taste

Directions

Boil a chicken for two hours. Remove the chicken from the pot, and use for chicken salad or some other purpose (you can add some of the meat back to the soup later if you want).

Add 1 and 1/3 cups dry rice to the pot. Let the rice cook. TURN DOWN THE HEAT.

Squeeze the 4 lemons. Beat the eggs, THEN add the lemon juice. Beat together.

Slowly add a LITTLE bit of the broth at a time to the egg-lemon mixture until the mixture gets very warm. Dump into the broth and stir.

Let the broth come to where it begins to boil again, and take the pot OFF the heat. I cannot stress this part enough; you don't want the egg to 'break'. The only reason Mom lets it boil at all is because of salmonella worries.

Side note: some people use orzo instead of rice. My mother is a purist. Also: don't add onions of any sort. Trust me on this one.

I added this to my repertoire at SparkPeople because I needed a calorie count (the vat above comes out to about 16 servings at 137 calories each, if you're curious). Since I shared it, I have received several responses from people who tried making it and loved the results. Guess I give better directions for cooking than doing the actual cooking.

If you try it, I hope it turns out well.

Traffic Tribulations

I apologize in advance to all Tennesseans reading this blog. I do not mean to cast aspersions on the state, at least not now that football season is over. I lived in Alcoa and Maryville for a few years during my childhood, and they were pretty good years.

However: Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge is a growing fistula on the state's backside, spewing road rage and concrete droppings of tourist traps from Sevierville to Cherokee, North Carolina. If you live there, I feel sorry for you. You seem like nice people, but I think your blood pressure might drop if you relocated.

When I was a child, we visited Gatlinburg a few times. We parked, got out of the car, and walked around to look at the tourist attractions. Finding a parking place was the only problem. Things have changed a lot in the last -um- twenty-five years.

The layout of the area probably 'just happened that way', but could not have been better planned by an anger management counselor looking for customers: Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge/Sevierville is one huge mall with four to six-lane service roads. There are precious few sidewalks, and nothing is close to anything else. Signs and lights are everywhere, telling you that you're simultaneously on a northbound and southbound road. That's not all: U.S. 441 splits at a right angle for north vs. south, too. Methinks someone didn't have a compass.

I drove through Denver during the Democratic National Convention. Every morning, I left from Aurora and entered its construction zones and rotating lane closures. They changed the lane closures every day for security reasons (malice, more likely). Denver earned its listing as a horrible town for traffic fair and square.

Surely I, a Denver Convention veteran, wouldn't get lost in Sevierville, a 'small town' in Tennessee..? Yes, I did, and lots of fun was had by all (NOT). It was even more 'fun' later, when we needed to take someone to the emergency department (I will not relate that story here because I've received death threats). Did GPS help on that trip? No, it didn't, not when they'd moved the hospital!

Oh, you're planning to visit the Great Smoky Mountains National Park? Drive into NC from I-40 and approach from Cherokee. Mapquest told me that a drive from one resort to another would take 10-11 minutes. It took 45 minutes to an hour each time we drove it. We tried driving through the park from the Tennessee side during warmer weather (FYI: Xmas is the busiest season), and it took three hours to get anywhere close to the park. Biggest use of the park's welcome center: to pee. Incidentally, we took the faster route. If you want to take a slower route, try the 'Gatlinburg Bypass'.

Don't try to do an entire drive-through of the Park via the other direction, either: the traffic backup to the Terrible Tennessee Trio begins while you're still inside the park in a section where you can't do turnarounds. Expect to creep for a couple of miles before you reach the park exit. Oh, and keep those windows rolled up. There are still bears in the Park, and they love potato chips.

I know, I know. All these complaints, and I've offered no solutions. I have one: create a public shuttle system that stops at the various resorts/hotels and malls/tourist attractions. Stick a giant Park n' Ride at the outskirts of Sevierville, too, so daytime visitors would have a legal place to leave their cars. Yes, this would require an enormous number of shuttles to cover the area effective. The system would be large enough, though, if everyone who wanted the shuttle to stop at their establishment had to pony up a few thousand dollars and pay an annual fee for maintenance. There are very few 'small' businesses in the area, and no one is selling anything on the cheap.

They'd all pay the fee to be included, to keep the customers coming in. It's not like you can just walk any more.

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Review: Full Dark, No Stars

Full Dark, No Stars by Stephen King

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Stephen King is at the point in his career where he writes what he feels like writing, and publishes when he feels like publishing. In the Afterword to this collection, King states:

I have tried my best... to record what people might do, and how they might behave, under certain dire circumstances.

"1922" - 132 pages. This tale was the last one I read and required the most commitment to finish on my part. His inspiration was the photograph collection from the nonfiction book Wisconsin Death Trip. He hoped to capture some of the bleakness and isolation of the pictures in this story.

I believe he succeeded in doing this. Wilfred James certainly has a difficult life, made more so by a wife who wants to sell her land to a hog farmer, no matter the consequences to her husband's farm. Murder is the unsurprising result, with the somewhat reluctant assistance of James' son. This kicks off a series of events that culminate in an ending reminiscent of Poe, Lovecraft, or... er, Stephen King.

This story required the most commitment from me because I found it difficult to like any of the characters. King's portrayal of them isn't unrealistic or inaccurate; they are entirely believable. I just didn't like them, with the possible exception of the son's girlfriend. She was more sympathetic, but her existence and plight weren't really necessary to the core of the story. The interlude of her doomed romance with the son is more of a detour on the way to ruin.

"Big Driver" - 112 pages. This tale should prove very popular with female mystery readers and their fans. Tess, a cozy writer, is called to speak to a group after Janet Evanovich cancels. On a shortcut home through no-man's land, she is seized, raped, and left for dead. She finds her way back to safety, but she will never be the same. She cannot report what happened to her because of the damage it would do to her image as a cozy writer. The other option? Revenge, served Stephen King style.

I greatly enjoyed this story, especially with its salute to the writers' life and its nod to women mystery writers. Janet Evanovich is one of the most-read (and well-paid) living mystery writers, although the true mystery tends to center around whether she will hook up with Morelli or Ranger in the latest book. Tess outlines the presentation 'routine' of an author as she performs it. Later, she will talk to her cat... and the cat will talk back (an unfortunate occurrence in super-cozies). As she becomes increasingly not-cozy in outlook, she also talks to her GPS and the corpses of her victims. A fun read.

"Fair Extension" - 33 pages. This was the shortest, so I read this first. Yes, I am lazy.

Man dying of cancer makes a deal with Mr. "Elvid" to continue living. My comment: in Danse Macabre, King states that the horror reader has the moral sense of the average Puritan when it comes to who can (and should) have horrible things done to them. He did not invoke this rule when I thought he should. Not satisfied with the ending, but make your own judgment.

"A Good Marriage" - 103 pages. What do you do when you discover your husband is a serial killer? In the afterword, King cites the example of the BTK Killer: many people believed that his wife had to know what her husband was doing. King disagrees, and asks, "What if..."

I'm trying to think what to say about this story of Darcellen and her non-fun version of Dexter. I know it was a decent story, but I'd have to flip through it to come up with good or bad stuff. When I was trying to describe the stories in this collection to a friend, I had a mental block with this one: "And the other one, it was a good story, but... let me get the book. Oh, yeah... this is what it's about..." I think that tells me what I thought of it.

Time to assign some stars to this collection of novellas and one short story.

Overall? Four stars. I enjoyed the book overall and it gave me real pleasure to read it. Rating the individual stories...? Three stars for "1922", despite my complaints. If he meant to convey despair, he got what he wanted. Four stars for "Big Driver". Two stars for "Fair Extension". I would make it one for my dislike of the ending, but I save that for really crappy writing. Three stars for "A Good Marriage". It was a good story and it kept me turning pages. It just didn't stick with me.


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NaNoWriMo is Over: Now What?

Let me confess now: I am a huge cheater and rebel when it comes to NaNoWriMo. I did start my current WIP during NaNo, but I have used it since to force myself to work on the same book intensively for at least one month out of the year. 

Some other writers do this same thing, using the freedom and camaraderie of the event to get some serious writing done. I'm a serious introvert, but I love doing the write-ins. I get an excuse to drink coffee sweetened and creamed to shameful levels, swap war stories with other writers, and write side by side with other people.

There are a lot of true winners out there, though, people who began on 11/1 with zero words and had 50K written before 12/1. I've been congratulating them on Facebook, Twitter, and on the main NaNo site. You have a lot to be proud of, too! 50,000 words in one month is impressive. My personal best is about 14K, accomplished during NaNoWriMo (of course).

So... now what do you do with your magnum opus? Some people are content to write for themselves, but their numbers are a hell of a lot smaller than the numbers who want other people to read their material. If you're reading this blog based on the title, I know you fall into the latter category. Here are my suggestions and caveats for your new child:

Nota bene: The focus of NaNoWriMo, is quantity, not quality. They say so right in the intro material. This means it's time to work on the quality of your piece.

Not everyone gets this. A number of winners, flush with success and possibly an overdose of coffee, join AgentQuest immediately and start sending out their manuscripts as soon as they have some names and addresses. The NaNoWriMo blog addressed this last year:

In fact, several agents joke that December is "NaQuRejMo," which cruelly stands for "National Query Rejection Month." In all seriousness, though, we do see a lot of queries in December.

Take the time to reread and edit your work before sending it out. Once an agent has rejected your book, you  don't get to resubmit it. Agents always have lots of other query letters and manuscripts to read. Take the best shot you can the first time.

Okay, so I've convinced you to review your novel. What should you be looking for?

First things first: you need to make it longer. Fifty thousand words is really good, but publishers are generally looking for novels that run somewhere between seventy to ninety thousand. The good news: when you reread your MS (manuscript), you will spot places where you didn't give enough description or need to add a bridge scene so the reader will know what the hell is going on. Yes, you'll find them, even if you thought you did way too much description in that one scene (shorten that scene, BTW).

Next: there's a good chance your main character is a Mary Sue. You may find her adventures scintillating, but no one else will (because they know it's about YOU and not THEM). I read one story where the main character got a hot tub for Christmas. Several people died during the novel, all in connection with water, so I assumed the heroine would find herself in mortal danger from its roiling waters before the end of the book. Nope, all her dips were heavenly. She just wanted a hot tub, so she gave one to her character.

Finally: NaNo tactics don't always adapt well to the world of publishing: Unless your story is set in Japan, you really need to delete that Wall of Ninjas scene you used to boost your word count. Come up with something else. Like I said, you don't want to submit your manuscript during December anyway. If you can do 50K in one month, I am sure you can make up the word count before January.

Once you begin rereading your MS, you will begin to feel certain emotions. Remember all those pep talks from the NaNo folks about the way you would be feeling when you hit certain word counts? Excited during the first 15K words, in the doldrums at 25K, plunging down the hillside at 40K? The feeling you will get when really reviewing your NaNo MS will make you remember 25K as a joyous time.

Why? Because you're going to be thinking: "OMG! This is so disjointed and repetitive! It has all sorts of plot holes! This is the worst sex scene ever! I used the wrong character's name at least six times! I can't spell worth a damn, and look at all those typos! I thought I'd made a few in my rush to finish, but wow! I suck as a writer!"

No, you don't. In fact, you're thinking like a real writer.

NaNoWriMo is all about the joy (or, in some cases, madness) of creation. You've given birth to something. Like most infants, though, it looks like a squalling mess on arrival and it needs to be cleaned off and clothed before you introduce it to the world around you.

There are a few authors that - bang, right out of the box - can produce a marvelous story. Most of them learned how to do it through practice. Everyone else is doing what you did - brazening it out for the first writing, then berating themselves when they realize how many do-overs are needed. That's okay. That's normal.

It's also something you need to do before you send your MS to an agent. If you want them to take you seriously, you need to take the writing seriously. Not during the first write-up, but afterwards. If you decide that you really were doing it 'just for fun', fine. No harm, no foul. Please don't send it to an agent, though. The self-publishing industry can help you make great Xmas presents for your friends.
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NaNoWriMo 2010

I'm at it again.

What with all the excitement, I forgot to mention that I am participating in National Novel Writing Month again. I've never 'won' by getting 50,000 words written during the frenzy that is NaNoWriMo, but it always gives an amazing boost to my Work In Progress (WIP). I appear to be a gregarious writer, an adjective that one wouldn't usually apply to me. The write-ins with the local Wrimos and camaraderie I've found on Twitter are just great, not to mention the ideas and support I always get at the NaNoWriMo website.

I don't really follow 'the rules'... well, not every time. I did actually start one WIP during NaNoWriMo, but usually I use the month to beef up my word count on something I already have going. I can also tap the knowledge and suggestions of other Wrimos to add the proper details to my plots. If you want to know a good place to dump a body, someone in the Forums can tell you. If you want to know what the student ghetto at a specific university looks like, one of the Wrimos on Twitter can help you. If you hate yourself and want to die, there's a special forum just for you with people who will commiserate.

Right now, I'm working with a hero that really doesn't want to come across with his personality. I know his background, I know his opinion on certain things, I know what drives him, but he's just... dithering. Unfortunately, this means he resembles me in a way he shouldn't.

Guess what? There's a thread in the Forums where you can write to your characters. Here's my letter:

Dear Cade:

I'm finding it hard not to give up on you. I've been trying to write you for the last three years, but you keep dragging your heels.

I tried first person, which you wanted. You didn't come across with the bold action I know is hidden in you. You didn't even come across with lukewarm action. Nothing got written, and I've been depressed about it.

I know your background. I know what drives you - when you move, which seems to be never. I've gone to two plotting workshops to assist me in figuring out what to do with you. I have at least some rudimentary ideas, but you're not helping me out here. You just hang around my head, moping about what a great book you could be. I notice this doesn't actually lead to your helping me WRITE you.

Cade, or should I say Cad, I'm pissed. You won't help me write you, and you won't STFU and let me move on to more cooperative characters.

So... remember the head I stuck in your crawlspace last year? That was just smelly. This year, I'm threatening your job, your wallet, and possibly your family. I'm even thinking about killing Marina's cat and stuffing it in your gym bag. You are the Character, but I am the Goddess of your world. I answer to the Muses, but YOU answer to ME.

It's time to sh*t or get off the pot.

Will this work? Maybe, maybe not. But I know the other Wrimos will get a good laugh out of it, and it was fun to write. That's what NNWM is all about. Writing.

Pulmonary Hypertension: Update on My Father

Once again, it's Pulmonary Hypertension Blogging Awareness Day. If you read my post last year, you know that my father has this disorder.

Time for an update: Dad is using the oxygen tank more frequently. After a stretch of 'holding steady', he had a serious drop in heart/lung function this fall. He's been having trouble getting out of his chair, being lightheaded when he stands, and having to rest/nap after even mild exertion.

As far as I can tell, he has gone from Class 2 to Class 3 pulmonary hypertension. This is not a good thing. The doctor has been trying Revatio with him. Never heard of it? Yes, you have... its other name is Viagra. Unfortunately, it has no fun 'side effects' for him.

Dad says that it's not working very well in other ways, either. He isn't as bad off as he was, but he's still not functioning well. The doc didn't think the Revatio would perform very well, but he wanted to see if it made a difference before moving on to stronger drugs - the sort with the FDA black box warning.

Now, my father is hoping to get onto Tracleer. It's strongly counterindicated for pregnant women (not an issue for a man in his seventies) and people with liver problems. In some cases, it can actually damage your liver. It is only doled out in 30-day allotments at a time by certified doctors and authorized pharmacies, and patients must have monthly liver function tests. Yes, that dangerous.

Oh, and expensive! It could easily cost him over $600 a month with health insurance. Or so he says. He also said 'a little under 14K a year', so I think he's lowballing for my sake. Meanwhile, he's taking 2 Revatio a day instead of 3 so he won't have to buy more before he sees the doctor about the Tracleer.

Since this is a degenerative condition with no cure, eventually Tracleer will not be effective either. The next step will be continuous subcutaneous or intravenous medication with a pump.

It's a sad decline to watch. On the other hand, I have been blessed to have him for this long. It's been five years since his diagnosis. By this time, half the people diagnosed with PH are already dead.

To learn more about Pulmonary Hypertension, click here.

Review: Suspense by Parnell Hall

Suspense by Parnell Hall

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


Parnell Hall sets up the rules for writing suspense in this novel: literally. Kenneth P. Winnington, husband of Stanley Hastings' new client, writes suspense novels for a living and is happy to share them: Don't write in first person. Don't use a continuing character. Don't let the hero know the danger he's in.

Parnell Hall breaks all these rules in the commission of this novel, including one more, but revealing it here would give away the ending.

View all my reviews

MY BOOK HAS A PUBLISHER!

I received the good news last night. Pill Hill Press has accepted my first (completed) novel and will publish it in 2011. I am dancing on air! Okay, would you believe the carpet?

Gwen, Karen, and I toasted the good news last night with Code Red Mountain Dew. Hey, it's blood-colored... if you're the Kool-Aid Man.

The title is All This and Family, Too. Lesbian vampire moves her family into a gated community in Southern California. There, she learns the meaning of true horror.

Any suggestions for 2011 conventions and potential reviewers would be appreciated. I need to plan ahead.

Huzzah!

Dressed to the Nines at Magna Cum Murder

Gwen and I at Magna cum Murder

If you've never been to Magna cum Murder, you're missing a great con. It's certainly not on the grand scale of a Bouchercon or Left Coast Crime, but it's a lot more intimate. You have a much better chance of speaking one-on-one with the featured authors, getting a seat at a panel discussion, and they even feed you!

Since it took place over Halloween, costumes were encouraged for the Saturday night banquet. Gwen and I went all out, deciding to go as Baby Face Nelson and "Darla", his moll. We picked up the jacket and gown from Goodwill, the garter holster and feather boa from the Halloween store, and the purple pistol from Meiers. Gwen made my headdress herself. To complete the costume, I had to reacquaint myself with some of the feminine arts: lipstick, makeup, and leg-shaving. That last is definitely not in the Lesbian Handbook.

Gwen was pleased with my look, though. She took several pictures. Later, I discovered that crossing your legs in a slit dress means your lap is covered and everything else is exposed. One is definitely not going online. I looked like a Georgia O'Keefe painting: petals spread wide, and stamens hanging out!

At the banquet, they had the people in costumes parade around so everyone could see them. Prizes were also given out. I am afraid that we lost out to "Bonnie and Clyde", who had professional costumes. Several people told us afterward that we were robbed. Even so, we had a great time.

Perhaps I'll be able to write more about Magna later. NaNoWriMo is taking most of my 'spare' time at the moment.

My Top 15 Novels

This is the meme: Fifteen novels you've read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes.

Here is my list, in no particular order:

• Nine Princes in Amber by Roger Zelazny - First book of the Amber series: I was sold on it by Page 2. It got me to try my hand at writing fiction again instead of comic book stories.

• The Heritage of Hastur by Marion Zimmer Bradley - Women like her writing better than men do... well, straight men.

• A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett - Cinderella story + similarly named heroine + heroine liked to make up cool stories. What's not to love?

• Carrie by Stephen King - I was eleven when this book came out. I loved the notion of telekinesis - even had a set of the Rhine ESP cards - but the language and sexual content of this novel took me out of the realm of kiddie books.

• The Far Side of Evil by Sylvia Louise Engdahl - original version. This one also took me out of the realm of kiddie books, but without sex or foul language. One of my early exposures to adult versions of cruelty.

• Shutter Island by Dennis LeHane - This book was a major mind-screw. I loved it. Movie true to the novel, also great.

• The Sandman, Vol. 7: Brief Lives - I loved Delirium. No one who knows me will be surprised by this.

• A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L'Engle - Best explanation of the 4th dimension that I ever read.

• Startide Rising by David Brin - Nonhuman intelligent species don't always think the way we do.

• Escape to Witch Mountain by Alexander Key - These kids are gifted and different from other kids. They live in a cruel world that confuses them. Finally, they find 'their people' and become happy. A parallel for real-life misfits.

• The Other by Thomas Tryon - What a vile book! Harvest Home was also good, but this one sticks with me more, perhaps because I read it first.

• Tales of the Unexpected by Roald Dahl - screw Willy Wonka. I can dream up my own Candyland.

• The Best of H.P. Lovecraft by H. P. Lovecraft - "The Silver Key" will always be my favorite. Lovecraft's manifesto against mundane thinking.

• The Other Side of Tomorrow, collected by Roger Elwood - edges out Dystopian Visions. Elwood glutted the SF market in the 70s with anthologies. I read every one I could get my hands on.

• Red Dragon by Thomas Harris - Yes, I also enjoyed Silence of the Lambs. This one explores the pathology of its villain in greater depth.

I did give this more than 15 minutes of thought, I confess. I've read a lot of books in my life. Some of the books above are collections of short stories, rather than novels. One is a graphic novel. Just be grateful I didn't list the entire Phoenix saga from the X-Men. All of these books either sparked my creativity or took my mind in a new direction. Sometimes I learned new (and not always nice) ways of thinking. Startide Rising stretched it in alien yet idealistic ways, Red Dragon drew me down into the pit.

Most of the lists I've seen in this meme, and others like it, contain works of great literature: Catcher in the Rye, Tom Sawyer, the periphrastic and boring Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. I'm sure many of these people are telling the truth, but sometimes I suspect they just list the books they were forced to read in school. I make no pretensions to reading good literature. I read fiction for pleasure, not to become 'cultured'. That's what my schools and my parents were for. The books above have special meaning for me in one way or another.

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A racial question

I’ve been messing around with an idea for a novel for a couple of years. At its core, it’s a thriller with paranormal elements. Think Dean Koontz, though, more than Stephanie Meyer. No vampires in this one, no young hunk (or heroine) as the lead.

From his inception, I’ve thought of the character as having a psychic talent... and as biracial (black* and white, in this case). He’s not John Aleron, if you’ve read that character’s stories. This is someone new.

Now, I’m starting to wonder if this is such a good idea. One reason: most of the paranormal and thriller readers I’ve met over the years have been white in overwhelming numbers. Would publishers even consider a story centering around a biracial male character? I’m not saying all white readers are horrible racists who hate blacks… but publishers might be afraid that the reader base might not 'connect' with the character.

A second reason: how many quirks should I give this character? My spouse tells me that a mistake she often sees are authors who make a character quirky in so many ways that getting a ‘handle’ on them is difficult for the reader. Is paranormal + male + biracial too much?

A third reason: I am neither black nor biracial. My character would be raised in a predominantly white environment for various reasons, including the income of his family. The more money your family has in the USA, the more likely you are to be living around white people. Would black readers find my writing this character offensive? I was exposed to the poorer segment of the black population when I was a kid, but there is a big difference between knowing black people and knowing what it’s like to 'be black'.

At Magna Cum Murder in 2008, I had the pleasure of meeting Austin Camacho. He sat on a panel that dealt with writing characters who are unlike oneself in many ways. Austin is African-American and male. The character he was discussing was female and Irish. I pointed out that this was a character who differed from him in gender, race, nationality, and possibly religion as well. She was also an ex-jewel thief, but I don’t know what Austin’s past hobbies may have been.

Austin explained that a character could be very unlike his or her author in some ways, but share experiences that the author was quite capable of describing and exploring. My character, being biracial and older (around fifty years of age), would have been confronted daily with the same situation I had while growing up: not fitting in. I was an intellectual living in a significantly illiterate state, a liberal among conservatives, a lesbian and a Pagan among fundamentalist Christians. My hero would have some of these social disadvantages as well, plus the additional difference of being biracial. Someone like me could hide personality differences  by keeping my mouth shut, but racial heritage is usually self-evident.

To me, the notion of a psychic who would not only feel the ‘usual’ emotions of the people around him, but also the attitudes towards his race, is very compelling. We have been educated to ‘not see race’ in this day and age, but when we meet someone of another race in real life we often stumble over the baggage of our upbringing. My hero would be aware of that stumbling on a regular basis. Is this patronizing on my part?

What do you think?

* I use the term 'black' instead of 'African-American' because the latter is a) long, and b) acknowledges that there are black people beside African-Americans. I refer to Austin as an African-American because I'm comparing him to an Irish jewel thief. 

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Circle of Dishonor: a Spouse's Review

My wife's first novel.

I think this is a great book, but I have some serious biases. Here are some things I enjoy, though:

1. The heroine is not posing as a man in order to follow the man she loves or to avoid being married off. She took up the masquerade to get her man, not 'get a man'.

2. The secret society involved in this post-Civil War intrigue is not the Ku Klux Klan. The KKK were active, but not the only group in operation.

3. The story is set in a very exciting and turbulent ti ...more  
I think this is a great book, but I have a serious bias. Here are some things I enjoy, though:

1. The heroine is not posing as a man in order to follow the man she loves or to avoid being married off. She took up the masquerade to get her man, not 'get a man'.

2. The secret society involved in this post-Civil War intrigue is not the Ku Klux Klan. The KKK were active, but not the only group in operation.

3. The story is set in a very exciting and turbulent time of Kentucky's history, one that is underrepresented in fiction. Between the Regulators, the Klan, and the feuds, one could set hundreds of stories here without running out of material. Gwen brings up some of this history without being pedantic.

4. The story has classic noir elements without being set in a 'noir' era or featuring a Sam Spade ripoff. You have the alienated private eye who keeps booze in a convenient drawer. You have the hooker with the heart of gold. You even have organized crime, although it is a different sort of 'mob'.

5. The 'current' plan of the villains is truly dastardly. I won't give it away and spoil the fun.

Want to draw your own conclusions? Go to gwenmayo.com and click on the link to read a sample from the novel. I don't think you'll be disappointed.

Difficult to Swallow

Magic Mouthwash, sans Magic

Saturday night, I got food stuck in my esophagus. Answer to most asked question at this point: pork chops. Second question: bone-in. Third question: No, I was not gnawing on the bone. I think maybe I missed one of those tiny bone slivers that chops sometimes have. All I know is, it hurt and I couldn't swallow after that.

Part of story that matters: They ran a tube down my throat. Between that and the original problem, my throat/esophagus is (still) raw and sore. P.S. when they do this, they also take samples of your esophagus for Pathology. Ow.

So... one doc gave me a script for some 'magic mouthwash'. MM has lidocaine in it, which is supposed to kill pain and help me eat. I went to Rite Aid when they opened, got the script filled, went home. Shook bottle, took mouthwash. I noted that it was pretty thick at the time. Ate soup, went to take a nap. P.S. no codeine in this particular MM, but I was pretty tired.

Woke up from nap, went to get MM, only to discover that it had SET like gelatin in the bottle! I called the pharmacy, but the pharmacist is gone for the day (Sunday after 6 PM, go figure). I called Monday and got a sleepy-sounding tech. He didn't understand what 'set' meant, but understood "won't come out of the f---ing bottle" just fine. He told me the pharmacist would come on duty at 3 PM.

No pharmacist until 3 PM? On a weekday, when Rite Aid purports to be a chain of DRUGSTORES? What kind of BS is that? At the very least, they ought to have someone on duty at one of their local stores the tech could refer me to.

When I did get hold of the pharmacist, he was a very nice fellow. It turned out that UK had given them the 'recipe' for the MM, but their instructions, apparently unclear, were to dispense it in TWO bottles... because the components 'set' when you combine them. I was given two bottles with instructions to mix them in certain proportions. And I don't even cook!

It's a good thing I diet. Otherwise, I wouldn't be familiar with measuring spoons at all. So far, so good: I haven't killed myself. I just wish I could eat tastier stuff than non-medicinal Jell-O.

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TV Detectives in Days of Yore

We picked up a few back issues of Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine and Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine at our Sisters in Crime chapter meeting yesterday. One of them, AHMM June 2005, has an interview with William Link (of Levinson & Link fame). The focus of the interview was on the television series Murder, She Wrote, then fresh out on DVD. Near the end of the article, Link bemoans the ageism that plagues the TV industry. He claimed even people in their forties were having problems (I'm riding the ragged edge of disaster in that case!) getting networks to look at their stuff. He also talked about hit shows like Columbo no longer being possible because of the focus on forensics.

Naturally, I went into the other room to discuss this with my spouse, who is even less qualified to write for television than I am, despite her superior writing credits. Only the inexperienced need apply, I suppose.

I proposed that one could do a series similar to, say, the old Ellery Queen: one old detective, one young detective. Perhaps the older detective would be the old-school detective, some grizzled police detective, and the young detective could be the forensics person. If Link were younger and had started writing in a different era, he might have had a Columbo that was savvier to high-tech. Certainly my favorite detective paid strict attention to details, and the show's villains came up with some clever, frequently technologically based, alibis.

Gwen proposed that the TV character closest to J.B. Fletcher now was Richard Castle. Very true! He has the same 'worldwide fame' and a talent for solving crimes. Fortunately, he's in a bigger town than Cabot Cove. I said that it would be a great team-up to bring J.B. Fletcher to the Castle show. The only disadvantage is the difference in networks. ABC would need to get permission from CBS to use the character.

"What they ought to do," Gwen said, "is put her at the table with the other writers during one of his poker sessions. She could do a cameo." She also felt that Jessica should have all the chips in front of her during the scene.

They wouldn't even have to identify her character. TV mystery buffs would KNOW. Anyone got an 'in' with Angela Lansbury or ABC?

Those Naughty, Naughty WIPs

The Writers Who Kill put a rather provocative post up yesterday: "I Hate My WIP". For those of you not familiar with writing jargon, WIP stands for "Work in Progress". I found a great relief in reading this article and realizing that I was not alone.

I hate my WIP up till the first draft is done. Then, it's: "OMG! I finished it! I did it! How wonderful! Yippee!" Dancing around.

Unfortunately, this is followed by revisions. Maternal adoration turns to diaperish (?) disgust. "There's a lot of crap in here! Yecch! PLEASE don't make me touch it! No! It's ugly! Ugly and full of crap! I can't send this ANYWHERE!"

Eventually (years later?) I have the WIP cleaned up and dressed nicely (i.e. I followed the submission guidelines). I send it out into the world, only to receive a note from the teacher: "Rejected." I search WIP/child for more crap; I know it's in there somewhere. That's the problem with babies, literary or physical.

After a few more rejects: WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY WIP? Isn't it cute enough? Maybe it should be blonde with a frilly dress. I don't think I can dress it like that, it would bite me. By the time I got it into that pink outfit, I'd need to update the technology in the story again (this has happened to me more than once). I detest my WIP; no one wants it. It's too gangly and funny-looking to be loved.

So, now, I have a freakish orphanage in my house (or, at least, my memory stick). My WIPs meep and chirp and drive me nuts. Periodically, though, one gets adopted. I send the lucky child off with relief and joy, but there's always that nagging feeling that I could have done better with it. Therein lies the true problem: the WIP stays a WIP until it's published. You will never be through with it.

So, once it becomes a true 'work', why do we want it back to make one last change?

Reunion Ruminations

This weekend, I will be attending my 30th high school reunion. I missed the 25th (not an accident), but a number of my old classmates discovered me on Facebook and it looks like I will have people to talk to. I find this very odd, since I barely remember some of them, but they seem to remember me.

Honestly, I'd hoped to have more trappings of success by this time. Oh, not a Lexus or a $500 outfit, but results of lifetime endeavors. A Master's, perhaps, or a Ph.D. The subject matter would be less important than the magical acronyms.

You see, I was one of those children cursed with being 'smart'. Usually, being smart makes my life easier. Most of my remarkably stupid decisions have been made based on emotions, not ignorance or an inability to draw conclusions. Most remarkably stupid decisions are made based on emotions, but I've saved myself from investing in silver or mixing Clorox and ammonia. Doing my day job is easier because I love information and learn new things quickly.

It's the expectations of being 'smart' that I must live down. When I graduated from high school, I visualized myself getting a degree in engineering and doing something cool like designing space shuttles. I would get a good-paying job and acquire the respect of my peers. Most importantly, I would write books. Lots of them. Probably science fiction, since that's where my experience would lie.

It didn't pan out that way. I realized, within a short time, that hard science drove me nuts. Not only was it hair-pulling difficult (even for someone who got a 33 in science on the ACT), I didn't find it especially interesting. I tried genetics for a while (thank you, X-Men), but came to the conclusion that I enjoyed reading science fiction more than doing actual science. Instead, I got a degree in journalism with a minor in psychology, since that was the subject I took more consistently than any other.

So... I just wrote lots of books then, correct? No. Despite the pressure from my internal sense of 'destiny', I avoided it like the plague. Writing is so important to my self-definition that I didn't seriously try fiction until I was nearly thirty. Writing fiction makes me want to Run Screaming Into the Night (tm). I edited two Pagan newsletters and was a credentialed blogger for the 2008 Democratic National Convention, so it's not expository writing that gives me trouble. It's fiction, my putative raison d'etre.

At least I have a manuscript now. I haven't sold it yet, but actually writing a book is a major victory in my... er, book. I have a few short story credits to my name.

I know I did better than some of my fellow grads. I'm employed, I have a house, and I've stayed out of prison. Right now, though, I feel like my biggest success was marrying well.

Is it time?

After putting it off for the first seven months of the year, I finally finished revising my novel. Now, to send it out. Again.

Oh, boy.

Time to face rejection again, or at least its possibility. I know I write decently, but it's not a book of great moment or even a charming cozy. It's a silly vampire story I started before the market began drowning in vampire stories. It's not a mystery or a paranormal romance. No sparkling, brooding hunks, no sophisticated femme fatales.

How can I possibly sell this?

I've wanted to be an author since at least fifth grade. Before then, even, but that was when I was first asked in class and the words came to my lips. To give myself credit, I said 'science fiction writer', not 'the next Faulkner' (yecch). Vampire astronomer probably isn't that far off the mark.

The anxiety is horrible to endure, though, as is the pain of rejection. I shouldn't be surprised at how long it took me to revise, considering what I have to face. My baby is funny-looking and has fangs. Maybe only a mother can love it.

But, like a parent, I must send it into the world. This is the proper endpoint of parenthood.

Lessons I learned from Gwen's launch party

Gwen and I at the book launch!

Monday night, Gwen and I threw the launch party for Circle of Dishonor. It was wildly successful, especially in comparison to Parnell Hall's lament (detailed in an earlier post). We had well over fifty people drop by the ultra-hip bistro Natasha's to celebrate with us and, in most cases, purchase a copy of the book.

We made back the money we invested in the first shipment of books, which will of course go immediately towards purchasing another shipment for Gwen's next signing. I also learned some important things to pass along to folks who haven't had the pleasure of launching a novel yet:

• Bring plenty of pens. The author needs at least two good pens, and the person writing the receipts needs one, too (you will be writing receipts to show when you get audited, right?). You will also need spares to set out for check writers who have nothing to write with. None of our pens walked away, but it's best to be prepared.

• Bring change, and lots of it. Unless your book is really expensive or a hardback, people will give you a Yuppie Food Stamp (aka a $20 bill) and you will need to make change... again and again.

• Try to avoid the night before school starts. Some of your customers will need to attend parent meetings instead of your event. No, my parents never did this either, but things have changed.

• The unexpected is not always a bad thing. Natasha's had scheduled a pianist for the same time slot as our book launch. I was worried that this meant no one would be able to hear Gwen or each other, but the music proved a pleasant background for our munching and socializing guests. Gwen spoke to the pianist before things got rolling and he 'took five' while she greeted everyone and read an excerpt from the book. Later, our gathering was referred to as 'classy' by one guest.

• You will be mistaken for staff. You're sitting at a table in a central area, you have inventory, and a cash box. Of course you work there. Be nice to these people; they don't know you're a soon-to-be-famous author. Plus, the site host doesn't want you wrecking their usual business. Just fetch the waitress.

• You will need to go out for food or have something to warm up at home, because you will be too busy to eat any of the spread you've set out for your guests. Gwen got two cubes of cheese, I got a sprig of grapes. That was it.

• The caterer will add a gratuity charge to his/her quoted price. This is for the aggravation value of pouring drinks, refilling the platters, etc.

• The key to the lockbox will drop to the most inaccessible spot in your purse or pocket, just when you need it. Tiny, isn't it?

And, finally...

• Your bank is more alert than you think. The day after the party, Gwen got a call from her bank requesting that she verify a large charge to Natasha's made on Monday night. Yes, she owned up to it.

We had a great time; I hope you do, too.

Acting on the Intent to Sell

Jeffrey Marks and Carolyn Melvin

Gwen Mayo and I drove up to Columbus this past weekend to see Jeffrey Marks' presentation based on his third edition of Intent to Sell. The presentation and subsequent book signing were hosted by the Columbus chapter of Sisters in Crime.

Many authors dream of the day when a publisher will accept their novel for publication. Once that Big Day comes, though, their work is not over. Instead, they find themselves taking on a new job: promoter. J.B. Fletcher may have had publicists and handlers, but in the real world authors are their own first advocates.

Jeff touched on several aspects of promotion, including the necessity for the author to have a web site, and began enumerating its contents. Naturally, I thought of the site I've been working on for Gwen.

• Good photo on the site? Check.

• Pic of book cover? Check.

• Three versions of what the book is about? Er... three? Where do I fit them?

• Two versions of the bio, one short, one long. What about one that's in between? Hmm. I might have to get back to him on that.

Obviously, Gwen and I still have some work to do.

As one of our exercises, Jeff asked us to sit down and write a bio for ourselves, choosing which length we wanted to try. I have a few short snappy ones, so I decided to try for a longer one for myself. It certainly wasn't as impressive as Marks': books published, awards awarded, etc. Humble as it is, however, I present it here:

Sarah E. Glenn wanted to grow up to be Kolchak. As an adult, she got a B.S. in Journalism, which is redundant if you think about it. She specializes in weird stories of all sorts. They’ve appeared in G.W. Thomas’ Ghostbreakers series, Mystery in Mind, an anthology from the Rhine Institute, and two will soon appear in Daily Flash 2011, a flash fiction anthology from Pill Hill Press.

Sarah is also a member of Sisters in Crime and belongs to the Ohio River Valley chapter. Her story “Party to a Fall” appears in the chapter’s Low Down and Derby anthology, and she’s also had stories published in Futures Mysterious Anthology Magazine. "Patch Test", a medical mystery, was a finalist in Crossed Genres' 2010 "Science in my Fiction" competition.

Sarah E. Glenn’s novel, All This and Family, Too, has very little to do with the above except for Kolchak, because it has vampires in it. Please don’t cringe.

If only I had the book contract to go with the bio... At least I'm getting a head start on the publicity.

There's rejection, and then there's Rejection!

I am happy to report that I've never gotten as harsh a rejection letter as the ones in this book. The young woman featured early in the video doesn't understand that rejections to writers are best done via letter, because slush pile readers get stalked sometimes (check out pages 2 and 3 of this article). Let's be honest, some writers are whack jobs. More of us would be if it weren't for the invention of psychotropic medications.

My wife specializes in receiving 'nice' rejection letters - you know, the ones that tell you what a wonderful writer you are, but your story doesn't fit for whatever reason. She didn't know whether to be flattered or frustrated as hell. Fortunately, she recently received the most important acceptance of all and her first novel is on sale.

When I get rejected, I get form letters. When I don't get form letters from an editor, it's because they take issue with something in my story. Yes, I know that I should take these to heart and correct my mistakes. I do correct those mistakes, but there isn't enough Lexapro in the world to salve the pain of a writer who takes rejection to heart. No wonder writers are famous for drinking.

Have you ever gotten an exceptionally vile rejection letter?

Writer's Version of Don't Ask-Don't Tell, Part II

I got real comments from my last blog on this subject, which went to my head. Actual readers! I had a suggestion from my spouse shortly thereafter, and I overheard another frequently asked question today, while she was discussing her new book. They've been burning a hole in my writing pocket since:

• Why don't you write about (subject that has nothing to do with your projects)? You'd be really good at it. (I could do a horror story about dry socket, too, but I have no inclination to do that, either.)

• Why don't you do ___ with your character? (This generates one of two responses: a) because that's idiotic, or b) great idea, but now I can't do it because you'd demand to 'split the profits'. Ain't happening.)

• You based this character on me, didn't you? (Trust me, if I did, you wouldn't have to ask. I've written roman à clef before. I give 'tells'. Like a character who thinks everything is about her.)

• You based this character on (other friend or relative), didn't you? (See above. However, if it makes you happy to think I've zinged Uncle Fred, go ahead.)

• Why do you bother writing? You're never going to make any money at it. (Neither does watching TV, drinking, or smoking. In other words, f--k off.) 

•  Haven't you finished that book yet? (DAMN YOU TO HELL!)

Another question I get a lot: What is your book about? I've decided that although this got annoying after the third person asked, it gives me the chance to practice my 'pitch'.

Perhaps I should talk about annoying questions writers get from other writers next. Unfortunately, I'm probably the asker.

Another question that came up in the comments from the first article: You're a writer? Where have you been published? Naturally, not all writers are published authors. This doesn't mean they're not writers, it just means they don't have published works yet.

I don't have a snappy answer for this one. Do you know why? Because I rarely told people outside the writing community of my ambitions until I was published. I received too many negative comments about wanting to be a writer while I was growing up. As an adult, I didn't spring that little secret on non-writers without something to show for it. By the time I 'came out' as an author at work, I'd edited two Pagan newsletters, received some local recognition as a political blogger, and had several published stories.

I salute the unpublished writers who are willing to 'go public' and deal with this last question. You're braver than I am. Might I suggest that you simply tell them that you're still revising your novel?

I Write Like WHO?

UPDATE: The analysis results
give you a come-on for a vanity publisher. The analysis itself is pretty fun, though!

I write like
Chuck Palahniuk

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

To quote Jon Stewart: "I s--t you not."

I've never even seen the movie Fight Club, much less read anything of Palahniuk's. One of the people at Coding Robots described the analysis process as follows: "It's the statistics of words, sentences, etc."


My stories include lesbian vampires, hospice workers doubling as occult detectives, and malicious misuse of nanotechology. None of them are peppered with S & M or people beating each other up for fun. Most of the time, in fact, my main characters would be leading quiet, productive lives (or unlives) if people would just stop messing with them.


I asked Coding Robots if Palahniuk used a lot of sarcasm.  The response: "If only iwl could detect sarcasm :) ".

Addendum: I Write Like has added several new authors to their repertoire in the last few days. I still write like Chuck Palahniuk.

The Writer's Version of Don't Ask-Don't Tell

Click to see full-sized cartoon at Inkygirl's site!
Used with permission from Debbie Ridpath Ohi at Inkygirl.com.

Inkygirl has put her pencil nib on a few of the annoying things writers (especially non-famous ones) deal with when their non-writing friends learn that they are writers.

Here are ones I've heard, with less-than-polite truthful answers:

• I have this great idea for a book. (Unless you are another writer, 99% chance it's not. If you are a writer, 85% chance it's not. Please limit your pitch to query-letter length.)
• Why don't you make my great idea into a book, and we can split the profits? (Why don't YOU write it, since it's your story? If you expect ME to write it, that split will be 1% to you for inspiration and 99% to me for perspiration, as per Thomas Edison.)
• I had this dream last night. I'm sure it would make a great book. (Gaaahhh! Please, please don't tell it to me!)
• Let me tell you about it in great detail. (Nooooo! Please stop! Why didn't I schedule that root canal for today? I'm sure there's a dentist somewhere that works on Saturday.)
• Where do you get your ideas? (Good ideas come from the Muses. Not sure where the f--- mine come from, but people aren't buying them. Oh, wait, I have these dreams... let me tell YOU about my latest one in great detail.)
• Writing is easy. You just get an idea and write it down. (Yeah, which is why it took three years to write my first novel and why my psychiatrist is trying 60mg of Lexapro on me for my 'existential angst').
• I'd like to write a novel. If only I had the time like you do. (Based on your blow-by-blow description of "Jersey Couture", I'd say that you DO have the time. There are authors who've finished books while working two jobs, raising children, etc. It's not time, it's the trouble that stops you. Come to think of it, that's why it took me three years to write my first novel.)
• Once you sell that novel, you'll be able to sit back and let the royalties roll in. (You really don't know anything about the publishing industry or the current book market, do you? Thanks for your confidence, though.)

If any writers out there are reading this post (is that crickets I hear?), please add the questions and comments YOU'D rather not hear again. I need to be prepared.

Old Spice

Recently, The Poison Review (an excellent resource site) reported: "Fox News discovers nutmeg abuse".
Teenagers have figured out that large amounts of nutmeg can make you high. This is not a new discovery; the knowledge has been around for a while. Something that the TV spot didn't mention is the indigestion that goes along with consuming substantial amounts of caustic spices.
Back in a previous model of yours truly, around Sarah 3.0 (I'm on at least 6.0 now), I worked at the reports desk of my local police department. We processed mostly crime reports, but every once in a while we would get a report on someone who had harmed themselves in a weird way. Nutmeg featured prominently in one of them.

Circa 1990, two young men decided to reach a legal high via eggnog decoration. They visited their pusher of choice, the local Kroger's, where they purchased one box of nutmeg and two half-gallons of milk. These fellows tried, tried to plan ahead - honest! When they got back to their place in UK's student ghetto, they divided the Banda Island gold between the two containers of milk. They covered and shook the contents vigorously, then chugged them down.

The report didn't specify whether they got high or not. It did specify, however, that they began puking uncontrollably. This was waaaayy past too much baklava. The two guys visited the local ER, where the staff immediately became suspicious. They'd begun throwing up only two hours ago...? They didn't know why they were sick, but they thought they needed medical help...? That set the BS alarms off, and the staff wormed the story out of the young men.

A report was filed with the police, but, really, these young men had broken no laws outside of digestive ones. They had already been punished, though, for their culinary creativity.

Signing in the Waldenbooks by Parnell Hall

I got clued into this video by John Clawitter's blog on 1st Turning Point. Parnell Hall is best known for his Puzzle Lady mysteries, but I'm fonder of Stanley Hastings. There's a lot of Parnell's own personality (and background) in Stanley, especially in the book Juror (click here for a sample read).

Part of why I'm thinking about Parnell's song is because my wife's book, Circle of Dishonor, is about to come out in print. She's setting up launch parties, and I'm working on her web site (please note there's no link for this yet). We're also hoping to line up some signing gigs... but I hope we have better luck than Parnell.

I sure hope Gwen is too busy to see this, come to think of it.

Good news! My short story, "Co-Pay", will be appearing in Daily Flash 2011, an upcoming anthology from Pill Hill Press. Gwen Mayo also has a story appearing in the collection.

I hope you will all take a look, because they will be publishing Gwen's first novel later this summer!

The anthology is still open for submissions, so why don't you join us?